Thursday, February 10, 2005

Difficult People...

Court. For most people having to be in Court is something that has been consuming their mind for several days before Court-- sometimes for months and sometimes even for years they have rehearsed this moment.

They have gotten ALL geared up in their minds to say what they want to say.

Let them. 10 minutes of listening can save hours of frustration- even if its irrelevant, irritating, depressing or boring.

Naturally, this applies applies to most situations in life. If someone is getting up in your face telling you something and the words are pouring out-- let them. Sit tight and let them get it out. Don't interrupt. Don't point out that which is obviously wrong.

Practice non-committal listening prompts. My favorite one, "Is that right?" (which can also be used in a wonderful passive-aggressive way but that's for a different day!) There is also, "And then what happened?" This way you avoid agreeing with them, or disagreeing, you merely provide permission to continue getting it out.

When they're done, then you can go back and begin a dialog.

This is how I am able to deal with DHR clients who have been problematic to others. This is why today I learned about a single mother who just had her thyroid removed, is working 2 jobs, had one son shot to death last year, another in college and the third in high school who needs braces. So, maybe this person is being a bitch because she's got a lot on her shoulders...

and maybe that aggressive driver just got fired, or dumped....

and maybe that person who broke in front of you in line is worried about how s/he's going to care for her dad with terminal cancer and didn't really think about what s/he did...

Let it go, smile and be proud of yourself for letting it go, and remember you never know what someone else's private hell is.

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