Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Last Week....

Last week I:

1. Remembered that removing a hot glass from the dishwasher and filling it with cold liquid and ice will make it crack- and fall sharp side down onto your arm nearly (But not quite) severing your artery. Which lead me to:
2. Learned Duct tape with a little gauze and neosporin will hold the edges of a cut together well when properly applied. Who needs stitches?!
3. Was called to be an expert witness as to the potential income of Strippers.
4. Noticed that strippers have a certain way of standing that is a dead giveaway. Clue: do NOT put one foot in front of the other, lean onto the Bench and arch your ass in the air, because no matter how nice the outfit you're wearing is, you still look like a stripper.
5. Learned that if you drink most of a gallon of really cheap vodka with your best friend and ram your car into the back of a moving train in an effort to "make it Effing speed up!" the police will charge you with all the crimes they can think of, while crafting what you say to them into a very very amusing report, and that the train company will also present you with a bill for the damage you did to their train.... which the prosecutor will present to your attorney... while laughing hysterically. (I believe his exact words were, "Ahh, here's the bill for the damage your client did to the enormous diesel train when she rammed it with her Durango.") You will then go into the back room and laugh hysterically before getting control of yourself to go speak to your client because, really, you HAVE TO LAUGH SOMETIMES.

Which brings me to my last thought.... I was walking out of Court after a long hard day in the small courtroom where we fall over each other and handled 45 cases between 3 prosecutors and a man who had been waiting for hours with his family to get some time with the Judge in an unrelated matter stopped and asked me if we did this every day.

Well, no, I replied. About 4 times a month.

Whew, he said, shaking his head, I don't know how you stand it. All those people, and the tragedy, and the stress and the back and forth.

Well, you just do, I said, and I find things to laugh about, but, I gotta tell you, when I get home tonight, I'll be so tired I can't speak.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Have I told you this one before?

I know, I know. No new posts lately. Too busy saving the world.

Funny thing someone told me once:

"He needed killing" isn't that hard a defense to make. There's plenty of people out there most good people can agree "needed killing." The problem comes in when you have to prove that you were the one who should have done it, when you did it and the way you did it.

I like that.