Thursday, January 26, 2006

Press the flesh and pass the salad...

So I am just returning from Lunch With The Governor and off to have a little trial. Do you think my client will be so impressed with my luncheon date that she will forgive the fact that I can't win her case?

Yeah, me either. (Update... huh. Actually I won- since we didn't get to the facts. Mom was driving daughter's rental car... so while mom didn't have insurance in the car, hence the ticket, there was insurance that covered the car, therefore ticket dismissed, therefore the "victim" can't recover damages from her under the ticket (called restitution in Criminal Court.) I did have to advise my client that if the insurance companies couldn't work it out, then he could sue her civilly. I suggested that if they made a demand for his deductible to settle the case she should pay. Miracurously, his deductible changed from 1K to $500.00 just between the last court date and I'm hoping that he just goes away.)

Unfortunately, MadDog didn't tell me about lunch until I arrived at work and I'm wearing a too big camel colored suit from 1992. Black is the color of republicans- so I the ONLY person in a suit that is not dark. Eeehh, I am not, nor shall I ever be, a politician so who cares.
Yummy free lunch with chocolate mint pie for dessert. Press the flesh, hi, hello, great to see you. "Lawyer, philosophical lawyer, nice to see you. "

Lots of fun political happenings in my hometown today. I saw a picture in one of the elevators in the Courthouse this morning- someone had taken a picture of a pig and photoshopped the head of one of the county commissioners on it. Next thing you know they'll be passing notes around and everyone will be whispering that so-and-so really is a doodie head.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Rebuilding the Coast...

I have seen a lot on TV lately about the rebuilding efforts after Katrina.

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist, but I have too tell you that if you are in the deep south and have 16,000 trailers for people to live in and several months into reconstruction you only have 600 of them up you are doing something wrong... and someone, somewhere is messing with the government.

I have seen southerners with an IQ under 70 set up more than one trailer in a day. I could take care of this situation within 48 hours. First, you have a big meeting and you give everyone a key to their trailer. Then tell them that if they "ain't set up by nightfall, in a place with electric and septic- you don't get to keep 'em. " And I can gar-on-tee you that all 16,000 would be set up by 4 O'clock, leaving the other 38 hours to... Drink beer? Set up more trailers?

I saw a project where FEMA was building a new trailer park- complete with paved streets and street lights... And just down the road is a man who owns a trailer park- with hookups already in place, roads and all- it just needed to be cleaned off and he would have room for 150 people- so WHY are they building a brand new place (probably on land rented at an exorbitant price) when they could be cleaning up the already built place, which has to be done anyways. The man who owned the trailer park had already cleaned a number of lots that where ready to house trailers but Noooo, the government wouldn't allow people to move their trailers down there.

If I were Philosopher King I would have everyone moved into the trailers already, would have the lower 9th ward cleaned out, and be deciding house by house which could be rebuilt and have crews ready to go on each house as approved. Think Henry Ford and assembly lines...

Of course, if they're smart, New Orleans could really do some outstanding social improvements here- like insisting on concrete pillars for support (stronger and termite resistant- termites are a huge problem down there.) more insulation, raised floors. All flooded homes must have their inside walls removed to the level of the water- thus it would be such a good time to reduce electric demand through insulation and stop flood damage through raising the floors.

I hope the plan they design is functional and that they spend more on the people than on the plan. I wouldn't bet on it, though.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Go to prison...Get divorced cheap!

So I get a call today from an appointed client.

She says, "My husband is fixing to get sent off to prison and I heard I could get a divorce from him for cheap since he is going off to prison."

Me: "um, well, the cost of a divorce is determined by the attorney and I charge X to do an uncontested divorce, plus the filing fees. I'm not sure I understand the issue. " (Note: I quoted my high price because this particular client has already made me crazy and I just don't want to deal with her.)

Client: " I heard that you could get divorced cheap if they was going to prison."

Me: "No, the cost is determined by the attorney. You could probably find one less expensive that I am... "

Client: Oh, ok.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Arrest narratives

This morning in Court I was reading a police narrative of my client's arrest. It contained the following lines:

At this point I asked the subject, Mr. Doe, if he would take a breath test. He replied "fuck you." I took his response as a no.

Ahhh, gotta love police with a dry sense of humor.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


I am really tired of people complaining that "My lawyer talked to the other lawyer! S/He can't do that! I told him not to speak with the other side unless I was present."

Yes, Yes I can. In fact, that is WHY you hired a lawyer- to talk to the other side on your behalf. And no, you don't need to be there- you need to shut up and sit down and I will come and tell you what the proposed settlement is and then you will tell me what you do and don't like about the proposal and I will tell you what the law is and we will craft a new proposal and I will go back to the other lawyer and we will repeat the process until an agreement is reached or a stalemate is clear.

Oddly enough former spouse did this exact thing... And he is a lawyer. When he filed "something to get the divorce paperwork started, but I didn't file for divorce. And no I don't have a copy of what was filed. My lawyer just drafted something." I asked for his attorney's name so I could figure out what he filed, because what he said made no sense- you don't file something to get it started- you file for divorce. And my former spouse said, "You can't talk to my lawyer!"

And I laughed in his face. "You've got to be kidding me!" I said, "That's why you hire an attorney." And he acted confused, like he didn't understand.

"Because that's why you hire a lawyer so the lawyers or lawyer and other party can talk." I tried, but not very hard, to not sound like I was speaking to a 2 year old. "C'mon' we covered this in the first year of Law School. Duh."

Monday, January 09, 2006

Misdemeanor Fashon Watch Pt. 2

Thursday's fashon highlight was the dude pleading guilty in City Court wearing a T-shirt that said, I shit you not,

Wait for it.....

"I was on Cops."

I had no idea they gave you T-shirts. (Umm, I'm going to ask you to sign this release form... and if you do I'll give you this lovely T-Shirt- its 100% cotton, you know, pre-shrunk!) I guess that's why all those people allow themselves to be shown on TV in such a compromising position... either that, or in a scarier but probably more likely senario, he purchased a shirt that said he was on Cops when he really hadn't been. And then, he awoke Thursday and said to himself, " Self, what should I wear to Court?" and his Self answered, "Hey, that Cops shirt is clean...."

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Misdemeanors fashion watch...

Court was a blast today. Its good to be back in Court after two weeks of down time... And the fashion parade is always spectacular after Christmas.... Today's winner was wearing his new faux-leopard fur coat- and his Budway (Subway) Tee-shirt." Fresh Bud! (and not the Beer Bud, the other bud) With pictures of some indeed fat buds... I liked it almost as much as last month's Pimps-a-hoy (Chips-a-hoy). Bud boy also had on some nikes that I swear were either camo or pot themed. I couldn't really tell and didn't want to ask him.

So- Courtroom fashion trends suggest that faux fur, especially with matching pants is very big right now. Pants are still worn falling off- but only for men. Woman's trends suggested bright puffy jackets and, surprisingly, corduroy are big. Natural jewelry- shells- with twine and such and those purses with the big ass sequins all over them are also all the rage.

I like corduroy.