Competition and Children... Don't do unto others what was done unto you!

This is a little off topic for me, but I've just heard a lot lately about children and sports. Baseball season is gearing up. In Alabama in the last few months we had a mother who brought a gun to her child's game (Right here in River City!) and a free-for-all fight at a high school basketball game. (With slammed chairs, girl on girl bitch slapping, and a whole slew of arrests....made that fight in the NBA look amature!)

Last night on Fresh Air I caught part of an interview with a retired major league pitcher. I've always loved that about Terri Gross- she can make someone I am decidedly ambivalent about- interesting.

He (and I have no idea what his name was) was saying that his family was a tough family....blah blah blah... And how he and his son were playing ball in a father son game and he was running the bases and his son got thrown out at third before he scored the winning run so they didn't go to the playoffs. He (the pitcher, not his child who was thrown out) goes to his father who is watching on the sidelines, and says, something along the lines of "Well, dad, I tried real hard." and his dad spits a big wad of tobacco at the son's feet and says, "It weren't enough." or something similarly dismissive.

The Pitcher says how great it was that his dad was all tough like that and how that's what wrong with the world today that everyone wants to be praised even when they don't win...And we don't focus enough on winning.

and I wanted to grab him and shake him because he sooo missed the boat on that one.

He should be proud that he did well- that doesn't change the fact that he lost, because sometimes when you do your best you still loose. And that's fine, you just take refuge in the fact that you came, you played and you did your best. Hopefully you had a good time, which to me has always been the point. It is not bad to be proud in doing your best. I agree that we shouldn't be making up awards so every kid gets one-- but I also think that each and every child should have the exact same amount of playing time in all team sports until you get to say, high school.

Damnit people-- winning is just so not the point. Playing well, doing better than you did before, interacting with other and having fun- these are the points. This is why I quit every childhood sport I ever played- people take this stuff wayyyy too seriously.


I remember playing tennis-- about 8th grade and making an ugly face at another girl and my mom snatching me off the court and making me forfeit-- and it was just a face. Now, there is a good lesson for a child- you can never ever show hostility towards someone for winning against you fair and square. This lesson serves me well in life. I'm not sure my parents ever cared whether or not I won or lost-- did I play well, did I have fun and was I a good sport? These were their concerns.

Here's a great example: my Former and I were invited a few times to play kick ball with a really fun group of people. This was beer in the cup, dogs in the field, Saturday afternoon fun. He was a really competitive person, but because his Dad was such a nightmare about sports he never ever played because he got yelled at so much. We were going to play softball, but the first time he tried to throw up the ball and hit it with the bat he hit me in the head with the ball in the in the shin with the bat- and I was a good six feet behind him! I still can't figure out how that happened. So, kickball it was. First time up he tells everyone "go back, because I'm going to nail it!" He bunts really short. Then, he gets insulted and pouts when they move in for him next round. Then, the rule was no hitting people in the head when you're throwing them out- and he slams the ball into a girl's head! On Purpose!

See- winning was so important to him he couldn't deal with a nice happy game where people were just playing for fun. Needless to say, after the second try we weren't invited back- which bummed me out because I was having a lot of fun.

I hope if one of your parents ruined sports for you that you can get over it and get out and play with your friends and have a great time. Spring is right around the corner.... And I hope that you weren't stunted such that you refuse to compete unless you think you're going to win- because that is the worst thing you can do to yourself. In my opinion, being afraid to loose stunts more potential successful people than any other single barrier to success. If you aren't loosing on a regular basis you're not challenging yourself enough. Remember: Babe Ruth wasn't just the home run king- he was the strike-out king too!