Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Funny stories from a lawyer flat on her back

Ok, I won't bore you with the painful details, but after three hours in the emergency room (Whatever you do- never under any circumstances- injure yourself such that you have to go to the emergency room on a Friday night.) they finally gave me a shot of dilauden (Sp?)which made the pain subside enough to allow me to realize that I had to pee.

So, after some dithering, Mommie Dearest and my Beau take me, in the wheelchair with my leg still straight out, to the bathroom, a standard unisex hospital model. To begin with it stank so badly that in my drugged state I began giggling about how bad it smelled. A whole lot of bad similes flashed through my head too fast for me to vocalize so I just laughed. Mommie Dearest covered the toilet with paper towels before flushing for the last guest, because she read that flushing just flings the germs out into the air. She demonstrated "flings" with her hands. She is still trying to distract me from the pain.

The seat is well covered with tp and now we have to get me out of the chair and onto the seat without dislodging it. No mean feat considering that while the shot was strong enough to make the pain subside while sitting still, and to rob me of the voluntary use of most of my muscles, it was no match for the pain upon jarring or movement of any sort. They got me up, swiveled around on my good foot, pants unzipped and down and settled on the toilet.

And the flood began. After what felt like an eternity I began to giggle at the sheer length of the release which sidetracked me making me stop. Just when they were trying to get me up I started again. Now, we were all giggling at the truly absurd scene- my mom, my beau and me in the bathroom together...and I was still going. My Beau started making jokes about how long I was going- and in my drugged state the whole episode had a very surreal movie like quality to it I kept going and going and going... It was some great family bonding.

Family Bonding: Priceless

Trip to the emergency room: $875.41

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