Time....

There were lots of things I wanted to blog about last week, but I was soo busy actually being a lawyer, I didn't have time to stop and tell you about them.

I have to remember to be more patient with the people I am prosecuting. I was ooohhh so busy I actually bothered myself with my prosecutorial attitude. But heck, what do you expect when someone deals with 35 cases in just under 8 hours. This is less than 15 minutes per case. By 3 PM I am exhausted and not in the mood for your whining when I have previously continued a case 3 times and I have proven you a liar.

So please remember this Felon whom I ticked off: If the W2 has your name on it- its your income. But... No. I don't care that you shared the "job" with your momma and your sisters. Its your W2 and therefore its your income. Secondly, I am sorry you're tired of going out of town for your job. You shouldn't have worked so hard last year and made all that money and bought that big old new SUV because your baby momma sees you driving around in that shit and is all up in my face complaining that you're not paying enough and she's right because you actually made more money than I did last year and you're paying less than $5.00 per day to raise that child and that is soooooo not fair. And really, I didn't raise it that much and I was nice and actually took your last two years as an average which I totally didn't have to do. And I am really sorry you can't read, but that's why I found you a program and the program manager sat you down and read all this to you- but that has absolutely NOTHING to do with your child support.

But I give you props, because, dude, you're a felon who can't read and you made a killing last year in a legitimate manner and I am very, very impressed.


And then there was the guy whose story is to remind us all of the fun I can sometimes have....

He is lying there in his wheelchair all curled into the fetal position. His wife stands and tells the Judge how he can't walk and can't talk. She makes him sound so pitiful and me like an awful ogre for bringing this dying man back to Court....So, in the middle of her speech, he turns to me and sticks out his tongue and says, "That's right, woman, I ain't gotta talk to you. Haw." I thought the Judge was going to fall over laughing. The phrase "tad bit recalcitrant" featured in his committing the guy to jail speech.

Yeah, he can mull that over while he sits in jail since not only was that NOT HIS WHEELCHAIR. he sat in the one place in the Courthouse where I have full video access to him and proceeded to get up and do the "haha dance" in the hall when he first arrived. Oh, and telling the security guards to Fuck off, when you were on your way outside to remove the oxygen tube and have a cigarette, was a very, very bad idea. But I'm sure you've realized that after the past 4 days in jail.

You know, after the 150th time I write about these idiots, it is just...sad and I actually got upset at myself for letting this dude get me worked up. So. I'm going to move on and tell you some good new dishes and books I have : )

Oh, but then there's one more I would have liked to have said this to: You are not competent in the law, no matter how much you read when you were in prison- because if you were competent you would not tell me (BTW: that's Miss "Public Defender Lady" to you bub.) that you can't tell me about what happened with that Domestic Violence III charge because you're not making any admisibilities (wrong word) against your interests. Because I'm your lawyer dude- and I can't help you if you not only won't admit you know her, but won't tell me what happened from your point of view. (This is what he said, "I need to see the indictment (This is the wrong way to use this word BTW, but I 'm leaving it for illustrative purposes.) on this young lady and my alleged connection to her. You know, my defense is going to be that she's not my girlfriend, I mean, I don't even know this girl, and thus there could not have been domestic violence." ) He didn't like it when I pointed out that the alternative to DV III is Assault II which has a higher (worse) classification in the misdemeanor scale and that it could actually go up to Assault I which is a Felony, and that DVIII could be made upon the victim's allegation, that Indictment was the wrong word (Indictments only apply to felonies and don't have a lot of information. What he wanted was the complaint), and that there was no way I was using that as his defense.