Ok, I have hit on this a few times in the past on this web site. I believe shunning is the most appropriate response to unacceptable behavior. You can't make someone change, but you can remove yourself from their company until they do.
This all started many years ago when I took BL (Brit Lawyer) to a municipal authority meeting. We're sitting at the meeting watching MadDog do his thing (he was the authority's lawyer) trying to work out a dispute.
Suddenly, one man, wearing- I kid you not- a short sleeved buttoned down shirt with tie under his overalls jumps up and yells at another man- also wearing the buttondown shirt with tie under overalls combo- only he is also wearing wingtip shoes with white athletic socks, "You done lied on me the last time, I shun you and I shun your family." And he moved three seats to the right and pretended he neither saw nor heard the offending party throughout the rest of the meeting, because when you shun someone that's what you do. They cease to exist to you. You continue to do what has to be done in that person's presence, but you do not acknowlege them. Nor do you do any passive aggressive talking over them or anything like that-- you just pretend they don't exist unless social demands insist-- until they apologize and bring their behavior back within social norms.
So, I ask that you shun Wal-Mart. I heard today on NPR that they are only paying their effected workers for 3 days. Most other companies are paying what they can-- at least two weeks, and some as long as 90 days--but seriously-- 3 days! Shame on them. Shun them! Boo. Shame on you Wal-mart! Sam Walton would be rolling over in his grave. In this case shunning means: Don't go unless you have to and if you do go ask the clerk to tell management that you think it completely inappropriate that Wal-mart is only paying its employees for 3 days. Don't be mean to the clerk about it, just ask them to pass it along.
Oh and the shunned party later appologized and is again walking side by side with his fellow overalls-buttondown-tie wearing brother.
10 comments:
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while you're at it, shun that jackass too : )
consider him shunned.
asshat.
Ok, "asshat" is my new favorite favorite favorite. "ASSHAT"? B-E-A UTIFUL. Henceforth, all shunned by Billy shall be Asshats.
Glad you had some fun St. Yves.
Glad you see the merits in the word asshat.
It truly is a damn fine word.
I completely agree w/ shunning.
What do you do when the person who is shunned just doesn't care?
Southern Magnolia
Southern Magnolia, in response to your question:
Isn't that the point? You shun someone when your cause has no weight with them. So shunning seems like a civil way of saying "No matter, you'll die by your own rules and I refuse to play by them." -Billy
That is true, Billy. I guess I was hoping for the secret to making someone realize the error of their ways & apologizing sincerely so that people could move forward. (Kind of like the two brothers in St. Yves' story. Happy ending stuff.)
While I realize that my SO and I are much better off without (the person we have been shunning) in our lives, I hate it for him because it has to be hurtful for him. We've been shunning (x) for a couple of years now.
Still, it's great to be free of the manipulation.... The cost of idealism vs. freedom, hmmm, there's a topic. (My, I'm feeling verbose today, lol.)
Southern Magnolia
I think this is an excellent thread- and B. is right- shunning is not necessarily going to change anyone's behavior- because if I had the secret to making people act like decent human beings I would have my own TV show and be making millions spreading the secret. : )
*Asshat* is just a delicious and wonderful word.
Unfortunately the only behaviour you can control in life is your own...
But, you never known Magnolia... if person X took your shunning and said "Gee, they're shunning me. I must have been an asshat", then really, person X isn't really that bad a person to begin with... and therefore really, no need to influence X's behaviour, cause he would have probably come to the conclusion, whether you shunned him or not.
However, if you've been shunning that person for years chances are that they just aren't bright enough to get the problem and their part in causing it, and therefore aren't worth your time and effort anyway...
Happy shunning.
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