So I'm sitting in the snack bar...Where half the lawyers sit while waiting for the Judges to get done with the other half of the lawyers- then they swap. You can learn a lot in the snack bar.
One lawyer starts telling a story about himself and another lawyer: Lawyer 1 and Lawyer 2 are sitting in City Hall. Lawyer 1's client runs in City Hall yelling for lawyer 1 "because I done shot John Doe. " Lawyer 2's client is John Doe.
Both lawyers run outside. Lawyer 2 is talking to the guy who ran inside, and asks him who did the shooting and where the gun is. Guy calmly reaches in his pocket and pulls out the gun. Lawyer 2 Gets a plastic bag and has guy put gun in said bag- being careful not to touch it himself. (its his client who was shot.)
Meanwhile lawyer 1 walks up to a cop who just showed up and knows nothing about the shooting. He tells the cop, "Shooting in the parking lot." Cop reaches down to his shoulder radio and calmly says "shooter in the parking lot." Cops swarm out of the building. They surround lawyer 1 holding the plastic bag with the gun. They point many guns at lawyer 1 who is standing there holding a plastic bag with a gun in it. Lawyer 2 slinks off because he really doesn't want to have to deal with his client who is also slinking off. Lawyer 1 starts screaming for lawyer 2 to get his ass back here. Lawyer 1 pretends not to hear Lawyer 2 yelling at him. As they are telling it together, lawyer 2 says, "Hell I wasn't hired to defend a shooting." Lawyer 1 is rolling his eyes because he had guns pointed at him. Lawyer 2 is laughing about lawyer 1 having all those guns pointed at him. Lawyer 2 is stupid like a fox.
This is one of the many many ways that lawyers fuck with each other.
And another good story from the trenches: One of my friends is at her office early one morning and one of her clients who just happens to be a deputy shows up. He is really upset and crying so she lets him in. He says he needs to go and turn himself in because he has just beaten a man to death. And will she come with him because he is scared.
She tells him to slow down. Start at the beginning. He gives some background about getting off work early and coming home to find his girlfriend in bed with another man. He got angry and dragged the man out of bed and beat him senseless and left him dead on the front porch.
She asks how he knows the man was dead. He says he has to be I mean I beat him bad. He is sobbing; so upset that he lost his temper.
So the lawyer calls the hospital and and police station. No one has a dead body or a report of a crime.
She then calls the hospital back and asks if someone came in beaten up really badly.
Why yes, her friend tells her, we did, but he won't say who or how he was beaten. And yes, he will survive.
Lawyer looks at her client and tells him to go home-- dude doesn't want to upset his wife and family by letting it get out why he was beaten any more than deputy wants people to know he beat the guy. Since both parties had so much to loose, paramour took his beating and went home. Now, that's Southern Justice for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment