When I first decided to become a lawyer, it was purely reactionary. I had gotten out of school and after spending 18 years that I can conscienciously remember years refusing to be a lawyer I realized that it was a way to 1) postpone reality-- 3 more years in school seemed like a great deal after 1 year in the "real world" and 2) work for myself- because 1 year of working for idiots was one year too many. I still laugh at things I said in college to professors to whom I spoke about my direction in life, "I will never be a lawyer" must have been repeated sixteen million times. Now I see the knowing smile- I know they saw that I was cut out to be a lawyer.
I went to an educational psychologist for a battery of tests to tell me what career I was suited for. Top on the list-- lawyer, second? Psychologist. Third? College professor. (Note: Being a lawyer is to be all three of these things. I am my client's psychologist, I must understand the psychology of the issues, and I must educate the other side and the judge.)
I had to start down some sort of path. Temp jobs and retail were not cutting it. MadDog kept reminding me that I could always change my mind and turn around-- but that you have to pick a direction and start walking, or life will start walking for you. "A lot of days," he would tell me, "It will feel like you will step up 13 inches and slide back down 12; but you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there."
I choose law school because there were a lot of doors in life it would open- whether or not I decided to be a lawyer. I still claimed it was "not my calling." I didn't know what my calling was, but being a lawyer- not it. I figured I might have time to think about what my calling was in law school, and law school would help no matter what my calling was.
MadDog, naturally, was thrilled I was in law school, and very philosophical about me not being a lawyer, "Oh, I wasn't going to be a lawyer either. I was going to work in a bank." He did in fact begin his working life as a trust department officer. He still gets happy when he sees a clause he wrote in a financial document, or a trust document. And believe me-- there are still several paragraphs he wrote floating around out there in the banking business. But he would never go back to work for a Bank- he shudders at the very mention.
The other day I was talking to someone about being a lawyer and I realized it was, in fact, my calling. I just hadn't heard the voice before- I didn't want to listen to the voice before. It wasn't until I was on the path and deep into it that I realized that it was what I was good at doing, felt good about doing, and enjoyed. There are a lot of scary moments but I do love it.
So, think about your calling in life and begin making baby steps towards it no matter what it is. And if you have no idea what you are doing-- pick the option that opens the most doors to you and take that one, because you can always turn around and go back through the door, but if you don't make a choice, life will make it for you.
Have a great weekend.
5 comments:
WOW! That's fantastic! Here I was, hopelessly fumbling my way across the internet looking for a place to get ringtones, when I happened to stumble upon this awesome blog. Immediately, I forgot about my ringtone quest and enjoyed the read... only to be reminded at the end that I still didn't have a clever ringtone...or even a phone. (:
Ok, I was just going to delete that stupid bogus posting of the ringtones... but then, anon, you made me laugh, and it wouldn't be funny if I removed the ringtones post so I'm going to leave it.
I enjoy your blog. Our life experiences are quite different so I am enlightened by your stories...as well as entertained. Your references to your father and his positive influence upon your life make me think highly of you as well as he. I am sure his heart is warmed by your kind words. I say that as a parent myself.
Oh...in case you were wondering...no, I don't need any ringtones.
I gave up the practice of law because although I love the law, the practice does not love me. Over the past 10 years, I have become jaded, frustrated and just plain tired. Why? I think it is because of the nature of the practice: the lack of civility among colleagues or the need tendencies of the clients. So, I gave it all up to teach. Maybe I was meant to corrupt young legal minds instead.
I was the opposite, from the time I was 10 I wanted to be an attorney and had a rational reason for why I thought I would be good at it. Life has not been linear, though. It's been a combination of other events and a kind of denial, like in "Sweet Home Alabama" when Jake says, "Who finds their soulmate when they are 10 years old?" It's no fun to know the ending when you are at the beginning.
But everything I've done has taught me something. There is a book I read called "Composing a Life" that was so poetic and made sense, talking about women's lives and the sometimes incongruous avenues taken.
Who knew that what my life was missing was ringtones???lol Maybe Mary Catherine Bateson needs to add a chapter about them to her book!
Southern Magnolia
P.S.-I too enjoy the stories about your dad. They are heartwarming.
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