This story was told to my Criminal law class first year in law school by the prosecutor involved....
A prosecutor was sitting around shooting the shit with his buddies one lazy Friday afternoon when the Sherriff's office called him to come over. When he arived at the sherriff's office, there was a young man in the witness room. He was kind of sniffling and the sherriffs didn't know what to do with him. He had a videotape he wanted them to watch and wouldn't say anything more. The prosecutor begins questioning him gently and this is the story he told: he was about to go to college. He was packing his bags and he wanted to gather up all his videos. He went into his parents room and looked through their videos to make sure he hadn't missed any.
He saw a video he didn't recognize but it had his dog's name on it, so he threw it in the video machine.
At this point the boy begins sobbing and refuses to say anything more. By this time everyone is real curious about what is on this tape and so they put it in the machine.
Have you guessed yet what they saw? Yeah, you got it!
His Mom is holding the camera. His dad has covered his willy with peanut butter... the dog, like most dogs, likes peanut butter.... and the sherriffs are trying not to laugh.... The boy was sobbing and terribly upset-- which is completely understandable.
Here's the educational part: 1. The dog was not forced or hurt in any way, Could they make a charge of Animal Cruelty stick? Is that animal abuse? I think they finally came up with some sort of charge...I really don't remember.... but worse than any charge is this poor boy and his dog. I wonder if I could ever speak to my parents again....
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
First ever Philosophicalawyer poll....
This is a comment I made to the In flagrante dilecto story:
Yeah, it is kind of a passive aggressive way of telling him how I feel about his behavior isn't it?
I guess its because I am not satisfied with the option I choose as the right one in this situation-- say nothing because its none of my damn business.
I just have no idea what to do in that situation...Should one track down the spouse? I don't think so-
What do you readers think: If you know a random person is cheating on their spouse do you 1. Call them on it but don't go the spouse? 2. Call them on it, and demand they tell the spouse or you will... 3.Find the spouse and tell him/her? Or 4. Ignore it.
Does your answer change if its your friend who is cheating or your friend who is being cheated on?I would totally tell my friend if it was my friend being cheated on, and I would tell my friend if s/he was cheating that I couldn't condone such behavior, but when its a random person, I stay out.
Vote now!
Yeah, it is kind of a passive aggressive way of telling him how I feel about his behavior isn't it?
I guess its because I am not satisfied with the option I choose as the right one in this situation-- say nothing because its none of my damn business.
I just have no idea what to do in that situation...Should one track down the spouse? I don't think so-
What do you readers think: If you know a random person is cheating on their spouse do you 1. Call them on it but don't go the spouse? 2. Call them on it, and demand they tell the spouse or you will... 3.Find the spouse and tell him/her? Or 4. Ignore it.
Does your answer change if its your friend who is cheating or your friend who is being cheated on?I would totally tell my friend if it was my friend being cheated on, and I would tell my friend if s/he was cheating that I couldn't condone such behavior, but when its a random person, I stay out.
Vote now!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Scrushy
Well, Scrushy was aquitted. Holy bleeping shit. If you are ever in need of a top notch legal defense team, I recomend you get his guys because, while I certainly haven't followed the case that closely, I do know that a lot of other people admitted what they did and have been sentenced, and they all said Scrushy made them do it. I thought there were tapes where he said he did certain things...I am duly impressed.
Frankly, aside from the investors who lost money, I'm pretty satisfied that he had to 1. go through the hell of a major trial and 2. pay for all those attorneys. A trial like that, whether innocent or guilty, is horribly horribly stressful and certainly punishment enough for a normal white collar criminal. I'll give you 50-1 odds he will certainly not play fast and loose with his accounting methods in the future.
I wonder what's going to happen with HealthSouth stock now?
Frankly, aside from the investors who lost money, I'm pretty satisfied that he had to 1. go through the hell of a major trial and 2. pay for all those attorneys. A trial like that, whether innocent or guilty, is horribly horribly stressful and certainly punishment enough for a normal white collar criminal. I'll give you 50-1 odds he will certainly not play fast and loose with his accounting methods in the future.
I wonder what's going to happen with HealthSouth stock now?
Thank you and the In Flagrante Dilecto story....
I just wanted to say thanks to Anon who posted somewhere in the archives that s/he liked a post...Unfortunately, when I get the email that tells me you left feedback, it doesn't tell me where and so....I'd rather not spend my time trolling back to see new comments (since I can read them in the email) unless its something that specifically adds to the thought...But bringing everyone fabulous new stories of the clients who make my life...Well, richer seems callous, but I like the double entendre... So we'll go with richer : )
Ahhh, I've been waiting for it and it happened yesterday for the first time in 5 years. I was at the store, loading up on some death-in-a-box, and a man said hi to me and I KNEW he was a person I had dealt with in legal life, but I couldn't for the life of me remember whether I prosecuted him, defended him or what!
I gave him the, "Hey man! Good-to-see-you" and a big cheerful smile and kept walking. It reminded me of one of my sorority sisters whom we called Pal. See, Pal could never remember anyone's name but if she recognized you, she called you Pal. So, we all called her Pal and she tried really hard to remember people's names. I always say I will never be a politician.
Of course, at the same time, I have safety issues so I need to notice and mentally log people I see. One of the people I prosecute who really really doesn't like me was released yesterday and for the first time in a while I decided to check all the guns at home and carry the my new little Walther I bought myself for Christmas. Mostly, because the clerk noticed and said something to me about the way he was looking at me...Kind of that really creepy mix. Add that with the recent violence associated with Courts, and the fact that one of my colleagues was threatened and I choose to be armed. Just in case.
So here's a funny story about the last time I had to carry a gun. I had a protection from abuse with a truly mentally ill individual and he had followed me from the office one night so I began carrying the .38. I used to sublet an office from another attorney. There were several attorneys who sublet, but I was usually there more than the others. One night, I was up at work late-- I had left to get some dinner and returned to finish something up. When I got back, I heard very strange noises coming from the conference room. I was worried the crack head we used to take out the trash and do other little odd jobs had propped the back door and come up there, so I got out my .38 and checked out the front of the building- I didn't see anyone's car that I recognized but my own. I pulled out my cell phone, but I didn't want to over react... We had found a bird in the office about a month before... So I went towards the conference room, and eased the gun around the corner, followed by my head-- and saw one of the other attorneys in flagrante dilecto with a woman who was not his wife. I very quietly pulled the gun back, walked back to my office and left. To this day, I'm pretty certain he has no idea I saw them.
The thing is, when I see this guy I think about his kids and his wife and I want to throttle him! Even worse, about a week later, he comes into my office and my mom was there so I introduce them. (I was so traumatized by the sight, partially because at that time was going through a divorce, that she knew all about my seeing him!) When he reaches his hand out to shake hers, I notice the flap of his jacket pocket is tucked in and there is a big old box of Trojans in the pocket. I'm fixated on them in that can't-turn-away-from-the-car-wreck sort of way and mom's eyes follow mine and now she can't turn away. Awkward, very very awkward. He didn't seem to notice our staring and we both did that Southern laughing thing.... Like Kitty in That 70s Show.
And sometimes I think its boring being a lawyer !
Ahhh, I've been waiting for it and it happened yesterday for the first time in 5 years. I was at the store, loading up on some death-in-a-box, and a man said hi to me and I KNEW he was a person I had dealt with in legal life, but I couldn't for the life of me remember whether I prosecuted him, defended him or what!
I gave him the, "Hey man! Good-to-see-you" and a big cheerful smile and kept walking. It reminded me of one of my sorority sisters whom we called Pal. See, Pal could never remember anyone's name but if she recognized you, she called you Pal. So, we all called her Pal and she tried really hard to remember people's names. I always say I will never be a politician.
Of course, at the same time, I have safety issues so I need to notice and mentally log people I see. One of the people I prosecute who really really doesn't like me was released yesterday and for the first time in a while I decided to check all the guns at home and carry the my new little Walther I bought myself for Christmas. Mostly, because the clerk noticed and said something to me about the way he was looking at me...Kind of that really creepy mix. Add that with the recent violence associated with Courts, and the fact that one of my colleagues was threatened and I choose to be armed. Just in case.
So here's a funny story about the last time I had to carry a gun. I had a protection from abuse with a truly mentally ill individual and he had followed me from the office one night so I began carrying the .38. I used to sublet an office from another attorney. There were several attorneys who sublet, but I was usually there more than the others. One night, I was up at work late-- I had left to get some dinner and returned to finish something up. When I got back, I heard very strange noises coming from the conference room. I was worried the crack head we used to take out the trash and do other little odd jobs had propped the back door and come up there, so I got out my .38 and checked out the front of the building- I didn't see anyone's car that I recognized but my own. I pulled out my cell phone, but I didn't want to over react... We had found a bird in the office about a month before... So I went towards the conference room, and eased the gun around the corner, followed by my head-- and saw one of the other attorneys in flagrante dilecto with a woman who was not his wife. I very quietly pulled the gun back, walked back to my office and left. To this day, I'm pretty certain he has no idea I saw them.
The thing is, when I see this guy I think about his kids and his wife and I want to throttle him! Even worse, about a week later, he comes into my office and my mom was there so I introduce them. (I was so traumatized by the sight, partially because at that time was going through a divorce, that she knew all about my seeing him!) When he reaches his hand out to shake hers, I notice the flap of his jacket pocket is tucked in and there is a big old box of Trojans in the pocket. I'm fixated on them in that can't-turn-away-from-the-car-wreck sort of way and mom's eyes follow mine and now she can't turn away. Awkward, very very awkward. He didn't seem to notice our staring and we both did that Southern laughing thing.... Like Kitty in That 70s Show.
And sometimes I think its boring being a lawyer !
Friday, June 24, 2005
Memories....Nothing more than memories....
This morning, my mother dropped off a bunch of my old high school papers she had been saving (for 15 years no less....). While sorting through them I happened upon some funny things, like a pneumonic device I had come up with to remember the elements in lit crit I was supposed to hit on the final. I'm not quite sure what the letters are standing for but the sentence I used to remember it was: Si, pull your cock out of the damn slut's slit. To remember things about Epic conventions I used: Must shitheads in love form egotistical smut?
Dear Lord, I was a little perv. How funny! I have absolutely no recollection of this.
I also found an amusing paper on Truth. There were quite a few grammatical errors.... But I still liked it. Again, I have no recollection of writing this paper....
"Truth," that simple, one syllable word carries so much philosophical meaning that it could be pondered for an indefinite period of time. According to the Miriam Webster dictionary truth is "a real state of things,...An accepted statement, or an agreement with fact or reality." To a thinker, however, truth is more than this meaning implies. Truth is, in its most accepted connotation, a fact and all its related implications.
Several hundred years ago, truth carried more depth than its seems to in today's society. People were put to death for not being true to their country. Telling the truth meant telling the whole truth, not just a part of it. Truth,then, was more than just a fact, it was a whole story.
Paul Harvey's "The Rest of the Story" as heard on national radio, is a good lesson on truth. It tells the whole truth. Important parts of stories that were left out to create the impression that something happened that didn't. (I lost points for that fragment....)
Truth, that little word, has made and broken men and countries. It has changed lives and societies. For example, the old saying "The history of the vanquished is written by the conquerors." (minus 10 there again for that fragment...) While the conquerors will state facts (usually) those facts are slanted to make the vanquished look bad. These facts are not truth.
In conclusion, truth means a lot more than its denotation lets on. Truth is more than a fact; it is a complete idea and all of its implications. Think of these ideas the next time a person says they are telling the truth. (minus 10 again!)
Have a great weekend!
Dear Lord, I was a little perv. How funny! I have absolutely no recollection of this.
I also found an amusing paper on Truth. There were quite a few grammatical errors.... But I still liked it. Again, I have no recollection of writing this paper....
"Truth," that simple, one syllable word carries so much philosophical meaning that it could be pondered for an indefinite period of time. According to the Miriam Webster dictionary truth is "a real state of things,...An accepted statement, or an agreement with fact or reality." To a thinker, however, truth is more than this meaning implies. Truth is, in its most accepted connotation, a fact and all its related implications.
Several hundred years ago, truth carried more depth than its seems to in today's society. People were put to death for not being true to their country. Telling the truth meant telling the whole truth, not just a part of it. Truth,then, was more than just a fact, it was a whole story.
Paul Harvey's "The Rest of the Story" as heard on national radio, is a good lesson on truth. It tells the whole truth. Important parts of stories that were left out to create the impression that something happened that didn't. (I lost points for that fragment....)
Truth, that little word, has made and broken men and countries. It has changed lives and societies. For example, the old saying "The history of the vanquished is written by the conquerors." (minus 10 there again for that fragment...) While the conquerors will state facts (usually) those facts are slanted to make the vanquished look bad. These facts are not truth.
In conclusion, truth means a lot more than its denotation lets on. Truth is more than a fact; it is a complete idea and all of its implications. Think of these ideas the next time a person says they are telling the truth. (minus 10 again!)
Have a great weekend!
Friday, June 17, 2005
Addendum A
I went to the copier in the Courtroom a while ago and found a sheet had been left on the glass. It had no names or case information, but it did contain the Social Services worker's recommendations and the following absolutely unintentionally hysterical statements:
...The parents have displayed inconsistent effort in adjusting their circumstances to meet the needs of the children as set out in the parenting plan created with the Social Services worker. The parents are married to each other but living with paramours. The mother is wholly dependent for maintence upon her male companion who has been arrested many times for "promotion of prostitution." The father is again employed after a lengthy stay in prison but barely earns enough to maintain himself and the mother of his youngest child. Neither parent has paid child support for the children in over three years.
So she got herself a pimp and he found some other woman willing to have a child with a felon whose other children have been taken from him..... I think "inconsistent effort" is the understatement of the year. GOOOOOOOO MOMS!
...The parents have displayed inconsistent effort in adjusting their circumstances to meet the needs of the children as set out in the parenting plan created with the Social Services worker. The parents are married to each other but living with paramours. The mother is wholly dependent for maintence upon her male companion who has been arrested many times for "promotion of prostitution." The father is again employed after a lengthy stay in prison but barely earns enough to maintain himself and the mother of his youngest child. Neither parent has paid child support for the children in over three years.
So she got herself a pimp and he found some other woman willing to have a child with a felon whose other children have been taken from him..... I think "inconsistent effort" is the understatement of the year. GOOOOOOOO MOMS!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Deadbeat mummies...
Motherhood is not natural to all women. I tend to prosecute about 95% absent fathers, but that 5% absent mothers are much much worse as a whole as far as visitation, paying and care for their children.
This is kind of sad and kind of funny, so I'll change the facts to bring out the amusing aspects.... But really, its more depressing than funny.
I am establishing child support from both parents for some children. Children are living with a relative because when Social Services responded to a complaint at the home they found the children tied to chairs in the back yard with their own urine soaked sheets. Apparently, mumsie got tired of washing the sheets and decided to help them understand her frustration by tying children to the chairs--- it was supposed to teach them to remember to go to the bathroom before bed.
So, I get to Court to calculate the Child Support. Mumsie and Daddy are each remarried...I have no problems out of Daddy. Mumsie, Mumsie is an angry woman. She is angry at the System for taking away her kids "cause they just don't like poor people having children" and this was "all (her relative's) fault for calling Social Services for no reason. We have to discipline the children."
Oh, and did I mention that even with relative placement, the kids were in daily counseling to the tune of over 1800 per month?
So the child support was calculated and it came up to somewhere around 350 bucks a month. Mumsie wasn't working but I imputed more than min wage to her because she had a degree in accounting.
Oh yes, college ed-u-cated.
Mumsie looked me dead in the eye and said, "I cannot possibly pay that because my new husband has decided to become a professional golfer and I have to do all the books for him and I can't get another job because we have to travel a lot and besides, we have to invest all the money we do make into his career. The State wanted them, they can have them. I ain't gonna pay."
I just sat there and looked at her for a while and finally said, "Ma'am, you're going to pay this money or we're going to put you in jail. If you won't agree, then we'll just let the Judge decide. What I wanted to say was, "Good God Woman, this is the 21st century and if you didn't want children, you shouldn't have had them."
So we go in front of the Judge and she actually repeated her assertion to him. He was understandability shocked at her attitude and blasted her for about 20 minutes with a lecture that would have made anyone else weep in shame. She just stood there with this irritated look on her face that said, "who the fuck are you to tell me what to do." She finally told him she was happy they were going to terminate her rights and could she leave now because they had important things to do.
It was one of those times you have to figh the urge to grab the person and shake some sense into them.
So, that's a picture of a "Deadbeat Mom." Not as funny as some of the men about whom I write.
This is kind of sad and kind of funny, so I'll change the facts to bring out the amusing aspects.... But really, its more depressing than funny.
I am establishing child support from both parents for some children. Children are living with a relative because when Social Services responded to a complaint at the home they found the children tied to chairs in the back yard with their own urine soaked sheets. Apparently, mumsie got tired of washing the sheets and decided to help them understand her frustration by tying children to the chairs--- it was supposed to teach them to remember to go to the bathroom before bed.
So, I get to Court to calculate the Child Support. Mumsie and Daddy are each remarried...I have no problems out of Daddy. Mumsie, Mumsie is an angry woman. She is angry at the System for taking away her kids "cause they just don't like poor people having children" and this was "all (her relative's) fault for calling Social Services for no reason. We have to discipline the children."
Oh, and did I mention that even with relative placement, the kids were in daily counseling to the tune of over 1800 per month?
So the child support was calculated and it came up to somewhere around 350 bucks a month. Mumsie wasn't working but I imputed more than min wage to her because she had a degree in accounting.
Oh yes, college ed-u-cated.
Mumsie looked me dead in the eye and said, "I cannot possibly pay that because my new husband has decided to become a professional golfer and I have to do all the books for him and I can't get another job because we have to travel a lot and besides, we have to invest all the money we do make into his career. The State wanted them, they can have them. I ain't gonna pay."
I just sat there and looked at her for a while and finally said, "Ma'am, you're going to pay this money or we're going to put you in jail. If you won't agree, then we'll just let the Judge decide. What I wanted to say was, "Good God Woman, this is the 21st century and if you didn't want children, you shouldn't have had them."
So we go in front of the Judge and she actually repeated her assertion to him. He was understandability shocked at her attitude and blasted her for about 20 minutes with a lecture that would have made anyone else weep in shame. She just stood there with this irritated look on her face that said, "who the fuck are you to tell me what to do." She finally told him she was happy they were going to terminate her rights and could she leave now because they had important things to do.
It was one of those times you have to figh the urge to grab the person and shake some sense into them.
So, that's a picture of a "Deadbeat Mom." Not as funny as some of the men about whom I write.
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