Friday, August 19, 2005
closed comments
I closed the comments to the kakhi pants due to another "hijacker" comment. I opened it back up, just ignore the crap. Philosophicalawyer shakes her fist at hijacker... "if you were on fire I wouldn't piss on you to put it out." That was always one of my favorite insults.
What you first grader should know...
I wasn't going to post today, but I found an article on MSN about skills your first grader should have...(Yes, I was wasting time...) and it kind of struck me... Wow! FIRST GRADE? I know fully functioning adults who couldn't properly complete this list... "Participate in group decision making?" Hmmm. We all know people who can't do this!
And "Understand traditions that reflect American ideals and influences from diverse cultures within the nation." Please read 1984 and remember that Newspeak is BAD people. Is this where we studied where Christmas traditions came from?
Social Studies
Locate the United States, the seven continents, and the four oceans on a large map or globe
Construct and interpret simple maps with cardinal directions and map key
Demonstrate awareness of current news
Participate in group decision making
Understand traditions that reflect American ideals and influences from diverse cultures within the nation
Create charts and timelines demonstrating an understanding of past and present
Recognize shared values and goals as students in the same community, despite differences in backgrounds
Have a great weekend!
And "Understand traditions that reflect American ideals and influences from diverse cultures within the nation." Please read 1984 and remember that Newspeak is BAD people. Is this where we studied where Christmas traditions came from?
Social Studies
Locate the United States, the seven continents, and the four oceans on a large map or globe
Construct and interpret simple maps with cardinal directions and map key
Demonstrate awareness of current news
Participate in group decision making
Understand traditions that reflect American ideals and influences from diverse cultures within the nation
Create charts and timelines demonstrating an understanding of past and present
Recognize shared values and goals as students in the same community, despite differences in backgrounds
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
The khaki Pants Story...
So, when I went to visit my British friend at his home I should have known it was going to be a tough weekend. The first thing that happened was that he told me to catch the train to Lester. When I arrived at the train station there was no place called Lester. I promptly phoned him and he began laughing hysterically. Apparently, its spelled Liecester.
Ok, so I catch the (later) train.
When I arrived he picked me up and we went to his parent's home. My friend was always very proper and so I was dressed in my best traveling outfit and trying to look spiffy. Unfortunately, being me, I had gotten something on my pants. His parents wanted to take us out on a tour, so I said, "That would be lovely, but I seem to have gotten something on the fanny of my khaki pants so I'd like to freshen up and put on some clean ones. " Everyone got the wierdest looks on their faces. My friend asked me if I was ok. His mother asked if I needed some Pepto Bismal. I said, "No, I'll be fine, I just want to put on my blue pants and wash the spot off my khaki pants." Again weird looks. As though I had just spoken about something quite impolite, but they were going to do their best to ignore my gaffe, because I was, after all, American, and probably couldn't help it.
Finally it dawned on BL, "You mean the back of your tan trousers?" "Yes," I said, "My khakis."
He then pulled me aside and explained to me that: 1. Fanny was the British word for a woman's privates. 2. Pants are what they call underwear and 3. Khaki is slang for shit (especially in my Southern accent).
Yes, I had just announced to his parents that I had shit in the crotch of my underwear.
We all had a good laugh after we translated for each other.
And that is the story of the khaki pants....
Ok, so I catch the (later) train.
When I arrived he picked me up and we went to his parent's home. My friend was always very proper and so I was dressed in my best traveling outfit and trying to look spiffy. Unfortunately, being me, I had gotten something on my pants. His parents wanted to take us out on a tour, so I said, "That would be lovely, but I seem to have gotten something on the fanny of my khaki pants so I'd like to freshen up and put on some clean ones. " Everyone got the wierdest looks on their faces. My friend asked me if I was ok. His mother asked if I needed some Pepto Bismal. I said, "No, I'll be fine, I just want to put on my blue pants and wash the spot off my khaki pants." Again weird looks. As though I had just spoken about something quite impolite, but they were going to do their best to ignore my gaffe, because I was, after all, American, and probably couldn't help it.
Finally it dawned on BL, "You mean the back of your tan trousers?" "Yes," I said, "My khakis."
He then pulled me aside and explained to me that: 1. Fanny was the British word for a woman's privates. 2. Pants are what they call underwear and 3. Khaki is slang for shit (especially in my Southern accent).
Yes, I had just announced to his parents that I had shit in the crotch of my underwear.
We all had a good laugh after we translated for each other.
And that is the story of the khaki pants....
Bar Complaints....
One of my friends had a bar complaint filed on her recently. She said when she received it she almost threw up. That official letter from the Bar... just makes you feel awful.
Then she realized what it was about. She had a client. The client's baby daddy died. The client was truly upset she was no longer receiving child support. My friend asked her if the man owned any property... to which the client replied, "He ain't got nothin. I done took it all."
Lawyer tells the client there is nothing she can do-- the man is dead and has no estate.
Woman files bar complaint because her lawyer can't get her no child support. From a Dead man. With no assets.
On the brighter side of being a lawyer, I had a fabulous day in Court today... 4 cases all of them criminal appointments... all of them Won! I have never done that with criminal cases... but this time the stars alligned and the facts were right and I had some very happy clients...
Then she realized what it was about. She had a client. The client's baby daddy died. The client was truly upset she was no longer receiving child support. My friend asked her if the man owned any property... to which the client replied, "He ain't got nothin. I done took it all."
Lawyer tells the client there is nothing she can do-- the man is dead and has no estate.
Woman files bar complaint because her lawyer can't get her no child support. From a Dead man. With no assets.
On the brighter side of being a lawyer, I had a fabulous day in Court today... 4 cases all of them criminal appointments... all of them Won! I have never done that with criminal cases... but this time the stars alligned and the facts were right and I had some very happy clients...
Monday, August 15, 2005
Cool T-Shirts....Check it out!
One very creative favorite person of mine works here and designs and prints these t-shirts (along with other people, but she's the one sweating in the ovens....)
http://www.standarddeluxe.com/store_n.html
Check them out....
http://www.standarddeluxe.com/store_n.html
Check them out....
Things I learned in Denver....
Top ten things I learned in Denver:
10. When Enterprise advertises that "they'll pick you up," they mean within a 10 mile radius of their location. Then, when you figure out how to take the bus from the Denver Airport and call them and tell them that you'll be in the Cool Springs Park-n-ride at precisely 2:57 PM, and then call them back at 2:55 PM and tell them you're pulling in they will inform you that they're busy and can't be there for 20 minutes and so you will stand there in the rain at 50 degrees for 30 minutes and then they will not seem to know where the Cool Springs Park-n-ride is, so that you, the person from Alabama, will have to give them directions. Then, when you finally arrive at the Enterprise location, they will not ask how to make it up to you or offer you a nicer car, you will have to tell them that you're so irritated you're going to call the national number so they finally get it through their heads and come down on the price to the point that you're actually quite pleased.
9. When you ask the woman behind the counter at Enterprise the name of the County in which she lives, she will not know. She will then say, as though it were amusing, "I guess I've lived here for four years now, and I still don't know the name of this County."
8. When you finally leave the Enterprise office headed to your hotel, you will stop at the first liquor store you pass, as you really need a drink at this point, and you will discover that the car lock clicker does not work. You will be too tired at this point to care.
7. When two tired women are trying to find the Jefferson County Courthouse in Golden Colorado, and one of the women is trying to determine which direction on a road to take and tells the other woman that she should go East, but that that is an emotional feeling, the other woman will not yell at her about it as a man would. The two women will devolve into fits of laughter and East (Look, the road was going straight North and South there!) will turn out to be the correct choice.
6. Everyone in Jefferson County Colorado refers to their Courthouse as the Taj-Ma Hall. The Courthouse looks more like Monticello than the Taj-ma Hall. It looks nothing like the Taj-Ma Hall.
5. Death Certificates in Colorado are not public records. Crying at the woman at the Denver Public library will, however, get her to fax the Obituary to you at the coroners office within 15 minutes.
4. If you have a corroded battery and want to clean it off, baking soda and water work really really well, but won't do a durn bit of good if the corrosion is so bad that it has eaten through the connectors.
3. If someone has over 200 keys and you separate off 5 keys to give the neighbor to get into the home, you will give to the neighbor the one key to the locking gas cap which you will discover 100 miles from said neighbor in the middle of nowhere, when you discover the existence of said locking gas cap. You will also promptly set the car alarm off twice ascertaining whether or not you have the key to the locking gas cap.
2. AAA will not come and help you if you have a locking gas cap and no key. Something to do with liability for the car blowing up. Some dude from Arkansas hanging out at the shop will, however, be willing to take a drill to said gas cap for $20.00.
1. If one sets a car alarm off in the middle of the night in the middle of Kansas, and can't figure out how in the world to turn it off, it can, somehow, surprise one so much that one shuts one's ear in the door of the car. I would have told you this was impossible until I saw my mother do it. And it was the middle of her ear, not the lobe. Amusingly, the car alarm going off for over a minute will not bring the rednecks out to see what all the fuss is about. On the other hand, the laughter will generate enough adrenaline to keep you awake for at least another two hours.
10. When Enterprise advertises that "they'll pick you up," they mean within a 10 mile radius of their location. Then, when you figure out how to take the bus from the Denver Airport and call them and tell them that you'll be in the Cool Springs Park-n-ride at precisely 2:57 PM, and then call them back at 2:55 PM and tell them you're pulling in they will inform you that they're busy and can't be there for 20 minutes and so you will stand there in the rain at 50 degrees for 30 minutes and then they will not seem to know where the Cool Springs Park-n-ride is, so that you, the person from Alabama, will have to give them directions. Then, when you finally arrive at the Enterprise location, they will not ask how to make it up to you or offer you a nicer car, you will have to tell them that you're so irritated you're going to call the national number so they finally get it through their heads and come down on the price to the point that you're actually quite pleased.
9. When you ask the woman behind the counter at Enterprise the name of the County in which she lives, she will not know. She will then say, as though it were amusing, "I guess I've lived here for four years now, and I still don't know the name of this County."
8. When you finally leave the Enterprise office headed to your hotel, you will stop at the first liquor store you pass, as you really need a drink at this point, and you will discover that the car lock clicker does not work. You will be too tired at this point to care.
7. When two tired women are trying to find the Jefferson County Courthouse in Golden Colorado, and one of the women is trying to determine which direction on a road to take and tells the other woman that she should go East, but that that is an emotional feeling, the other woman will not yell at her about it as a man would. The two women will devolve into fits of laughter and East (Look, the road was going straight North and South there!) will turn out to be the correct choice.
6. Everyone in Jefferson County Colorado refers to their Courthouse as the Taj-Ma Hall. The Courthouse looks more like Monticello than the Taj-ma Hall. It looks nothing like the Taj-Ma Hall.
5. Death Certificates in Colorado are not public records. Crying at the woman at the Denver Public library will, however, get her to fax the Obituary to you at the coroners office within 15 minutes.
4. If you have a corroded battery and want to clean it off, baking soda and water work really really well, but won't do a durn bit of good if the corrosion is so bad that it has eaten through the connectors.
3. If someone has over 200 keys and you separate off 5 keys to give the neighbor to get into the home, you will give to the neighbor the one key to the locking gas cap which you will discover 100 miles from said neighbor in the middle of nowhere, when you discover the existence of said locking gas cap. You will also promptly set the car alarm off twice ascertaining whether or not you have the key to the locking gas cap.
2. AAA will not come and help you if you have a locking gas cap and no key. Something to do with liability for the car blowing up. Some dude from Arkansas hanging out at the shop will, however, be willing to take a drill to said gas cap for $20.00.
1. If one sets a car alarm off in the middle of the night in the middle of Kansas, and can't figure out how in the world to turn it off, it can, somehow, surprise one so much that one shuts one's ear in the door of the car. I would have told you this was impossible until I saw my mother do it. And it was the middle of her ear, not the lobe. Amusingly, the car alarm going off for over a minute will not bring the rednecks out to see what all the fuss is about. On the other hand, the laughter will generate enough adrenaline to keep you awake for at least another two hours.
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