Last week I:
1. Remembered that removing a hot glass from the dishwasher and filling it with cold liquid and ice will make it crack- and fall sharp side down onto your arm nearly (But not quite) severing your artery. Which lead me to:
2. Learned Duct tape with a little gauze and neosporin will hold the edges of a cut together well when properly applied. Who needs stitches?!
3. Was called to be an expert witness as to the potential income of Strippers.
4. Noticed that strippers have a certain way of standing that is a dead giveaway. Clue: do NOT put one foot in front of the other, lean onto the Bench and arch your ass in the air, because no matter how nice the outfit you're wearing is, you still look like a stripper.
5. Learned that if you drink most of a gallon of really cheap vodka with your best friend and ram your car into the back of a moving train in an effort to "make it Effing speed up!" the police will charge you with all the crimes they can think of, while crafting what you say to them into a very very amusing report, and that the train company will also present you with a bill for the damage you did to their train.... which the prosecutor will present to your attorney... while laughing hysterically. (I believe his exact words were, "Ahh, here's the bill for the damage your client did to the enormous diesel train when she rammed it with her Durango.") You will then go into the back room and laugh hysterically before getting control of yourself to go speak to your client because, really, you HAVE TO LAUGH SOMETIMES.
Which brings me to my last thought.... I was walking out of Court after a long hard day in the small courtroom where we fall over each other and handled 45 cases between 3 prosecutors and a man who had been waiting for hours with his family to get some time with the Judge in an unrelated matter stopped and asked me if we did this every day.
Well, no, I replied. About 4 times a month.
Whew, he said, shaking his head, I don't know how you stand it. All those people, and the tragedy, and the stress and the back and forth.
Well, you just do, I said, and I find things to laugh about, but, I gotta tell you, when I get home tonight, I'll be so tired I can't speak.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Have I told you this one before?
I know, I know. No new posts lately. Too busy saving the world.
Funny thing someone told me once:
"He needed killing" isn't that hard a defense to make. There's plenty of people out there most good people can agree "needed killing." The problem comes in when you have to prove that you were the one who should have done it, when you did it and the way you did it.
I like that.
Funny thing someone told me once:
"He needed killing" isn't that hard a defense to make. There's plenty of people out there most good people can agree "needed killing." The problem comes in when you have to prove that you were the one who should have done it, when you did it and the way you did it.
I like that.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Hard Work
The woman in my office today. She got married at 16 and lived with her husband as a sharecropper, working the cotton fields. She was pregnant, working the fields in the summer and lost her baby. She said she knew when she lost the baby because she was riding on the wagon to the gin, bouncing up and down and she felt it. She lost 4 babies that way.
She also chopped wood and carried coal for the family that owned the land. She made her daughter's clothes in school, including her drill team outfit. She writes in a very old fashioned hand.
She knows hard work.
She doesn't own a TV. She tithes fully. She's had cancer for 14 years but takes her medication.
Her car is paid for.
She pays her bills rather than eat.
That's character.
She also chopped wood and carried coal for the family that owned the land. She made her daughter's clothes in school, including her drill team outfit. She writes in a very old fashioned hand.
She knows hard work.
She doesn't own a TV. She tithes fully. She's had cancer for 14 years but takes her medication.
Her car is paid for.
She pays her bills rather than eat.
That's character.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Probation Violation
I am really, really tired of people saying that Paris Hilton is being treated more harshly by this Judge than if she were a "normal" citizen. First of all, it someone in one of my Courtrooms told a Judge "its not fair" ---all of my Judges would give that person a very long lecture, possibly followed by a contempt finding if that person continued to whine.
In my jurisdiction, if you fail to schedule your alcohol treatment classes within 7 days of going to Court, you'll get violated. If you fail to attend them- you'll get violated. If you're arrested for DWS (driving while suspended) it COULD violate your probation... and the second time you were DWS, unless you had a great reason, would most probably violate you, and finally, if the Judge assigned you to do community service and you didn't go- you would most definitely get violated.
In fact, I have a client who had a BAC 1/100 less than the legal limit and the prosecutor agreed to drop the case (there was also an allegation of illegal drug use) if my client would attend DUI class. My client failed to attend and I can't find him, so the Judge violated him (he remained On Bond until the dismissal) , AND reinstated the case. When he's arrested- he'll be denied bond due to his bond violation and by the time the Judge gets around to hearing his case he will have probably served 30 or so days.
I think the Judge did a good job in this case and if Hilton had beans for brains she wouldn't have acted like a spoiled brat...(or, to me, suspiciously similarly to a person going through withdrawals.)
Of course, I also understand the Sheriff's position. She takes up a lot of man hours. Its a funny relationship- the Judge orders someone to Jail, but the sheriff is in charge of how/where the sentence is served, good time ect....usually. The whole Contempt thing was an interesting power struggle... and one I've seen before. Usually, however, what happens is that the Sheriff comes to the Judge and explains why he wants something different in a case (The guy has 10 communicable diseases and an abcessed tooth and we can't afford to keep in in jail your honor....) and the Judge either explains why that won't do or goes along with it. Its all a delicate process.
In my jurisdiction, if you fail to schedule your alcohol treatment classes within 7 days of going to Court, you'll get violated. If you fail to attend them- you'll get violated. If you're arrested for DWS (driving while suspended) it COULD violate your probation... and the second time you were DWS, unless you had a great reason, would most probably violate you, and finally, if the Judge assigned you to do community service and you didn't go- you would most definitely get violated.
In fact, I have a client who had a BAC 1/100 less than the legal limit and the prosecutor agreed to drop the case (there was also an allegation of illegal drug use) if my client would attend DUI class. My client failed to attend and I can't find him, so the Judge violated him (he remained On Bond until the dismissal) , AND reinstated the case. When he's arrested- he'll be denied bond due to his bond violation and by the time the Judge gets around to hearing his case he will have probably served 30 or so days.
I think the Judge did a good job in this case and if Hilton had beans for brains she wouldn't have acted like a spoiled brat...(or, to me, suspiciously similarly to a person going through withdrawals.)
Of course, I also understand the Sheriff's position. She takes up a lot of man hours. Its a funny relationship- the Judge orders someone to Jail, but the sheriff is in charge of how/where the sentence is served, good time ect....usually. The whole Contempt thing was an interesting power struggle... and one I've seen before. Usually, however, what happens is that the Sheriff comes to the Judge and explains why he wants something different in a case (The guy has 10 communicable diseases and an abcessed tooth and we can't afford to keep in in jail your honor....) and the Judge either explains why that won't do or goes along with it. Its all a delicate process.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I put the Stud in Study...
So I was shopping for this T-Shirt we saw on TV for my BIL, since he started Law School yesterday and today is his birthday...
I PUT THE STUD IN STUDY
When it occurred to me that there was another very funny t-shirt in there....
I PUT THE STD IN STUD.
Hahahahahaa.
So, then I went to buy it and found this one:
THE POLICE NEVER THINK ITS AS FUNNY AS YOU DO
Do you dare me to wear it to Court? Yeah, I don't think that would inspire confidence in your defense attorney... maybe on a Friday afternoon when I'm just copying files : )
Have a good weekend.
On this Memorial day weekend, remember that freedom isn't free and whether or not you think we should be in this war, our brave women and men in the armed forced are dying for us and we should appreciate them, and those generations who came before and died so we could be free.
I PUT THE STUD IN STUDY
When it occurred to me that there was another very funny t-shirt in there....
I PUT THE STD IN STUD.
Hahahahahaa.
So, then I went to buy it and found this one:
THE POLICE NEVER THINK ITS AS FUNNY AS YOU DO
Do you dare me to wear it to Court? Yeah, I don't think that would inspire confidence in your defense attorney... maybe on a Friday afternoon when I'm just copying files : )
Have a good weekend.
On this Memorial day weekend, remember that freedom isn't free and whether or not you think we should be in this war, our brave women and men in the armed forced are dying for us and we should appreciate them, and those generations who came before and died so we could be free.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Gunshots....
So I heard gunshots at the Courthouse today and ran outside to look.... and as I put my hand on the door it occurred to me...
DON'T GO LOOK OUTSIDE WHEN YOU HEAR GUNSHOTS, LOCK THE DOOR AND HIDE IN THE BACK ROOM YOU FOOL!
But I opened the door anyway and looked and it was just a ceremony.
DON'T GO LOOK OUTSIDE WHEN YOU HEAR GUNSHOTS, LOCK THE DOOR AND HIDE IN THE BACK ROOM YOU FOOL!
But I opened the door anyway and looked and it was just a ceremony.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
A letter to Paris Hilton's father... (and any other fathers of wealthy popular young people who happen to stumble across this page.)
Dear Mr. Hilton,
You seem like a sensible man. I'm sure you have your eccentricities; at your level of wealth, you would be abnormal if you didn't, but you need to have a Come to Jesus talk with Paris. Please. Now. Before she ends up a 30 year old washed-up has been.
Paris doesn't get it. Yeah, yeah, I am ashamed to admit how many interviews of her I have read, so I have heard her theory that her Simple Life character is just that, a character, and that she really does work hard... blah blah blah, poor little rich girl. But at this point, I'm not buying it, and neither should you. I mean, would YOU hire Paris to work for you? No, you would hire someone competent who wouldn't have a melt down when you asked her to bring you a file and coffee and oh! By-the-way did you do that report I asked you for yesterday?
She doesn't get that while she leads a wildly privileged life, it also has its own price. MadDog used to say to me, "To whom much is given, from her much is expected." I think this is really good advice for Paris, too. You, her FATHER, are the only one to get this lesson into her brain- and you had better hurry up because she's not getting younger.
The excuse that her publicist told her wrong? Absolutely pathetic. THIS is her LIFE- you listen to the (extremely expensive) lawyers and DO WHAT THEY SAY. You SIGN UP for the stupid class and get it done. You take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. No, Paris was hoping that if she did nothing it would all slide away- because that's what has worked for her in the past. YOU, her father, are directly responsible for this (mis)perception on her part- because you have let her get away with things in the past. I'm sure like many parents you would get angry, ground her or assign a punishment, and then if she was quiet you'd forget all about it in a few days. You probably didn't stop Kathy from calling up the school when Paris complained about a teacher. I wonder how many assignments you got her As on. Do you know what it teaches a child when a parent helps persuade the teacher to bend the rules, except when there is a very very compelling reason? That rules are bendable. While this is true under many circumstances, if you had got some sense into her- she would understand where the line of demarcation was. For example, in the legal system- As Irving Welsh said, "Same rules apply."
I remember in High School I had AP senior English, and we had to write a term paper. We had to make note cards, an outline and so forth- there were maybe 6 or 7 steps we had to complete. It was so absurd. The teacher made us do each of the steps- make the note card, put the cite on the card and then put the corresponding part of your outline numbering on the card..... My best friend didn't make note cards and she did end notes instead of foot notes. The teacher gave us a sheet of paper telling us that a letter grade would be taken from the paper for each step we failed to follow exactly. She told us she was preparing us for college. When the day came to hand in our papers (Mine, I believe, was about Northern Ireland; I made an A-, for spelling of course!) My friend was so far off from what we had been told to do that even though her mother let her stay home that morning and work on her paper she made a D. My friend was livid at the teacher- but her mother was livid at HER. Her mother, who had just put herself though college, tore her up one side and down the other. As well she should. And my friend learned her lesson- and while she may have lapsed once or twice in College she suddenly "got" that there are often in life arbitrary, stupid and/or unfair rules- but you follow them anyway under most circumstances. She also learned that failing to follow them resulted in consequences. Mmmmm, Consequences.
I know its hard to deal with the fact that if you had had this talk a few years ago (Maybe when the sex tape got out?) your baby girl might not have had to spend 40 days in the hoosegow, but you've got to tell her this is a tough lesson but it will make her a better person, and no you can't get her out of it, she'll have to take it on the chin like a woman. And for the rest of you parents out there- get your chillrens back in line and don't make the Judge act In Loco Parentas.
Have a great day,
Philosophicalawyer
You seem like a sensible man. I'm sure you have your eccentricities; at your level of wealth, you would be abnormal if you didn't, but you need to have a Come to Jesus talk with Paris. Please. Now. Before she ends up a 30 year old washed-up has been.
Paris doesn't get it. Yeah, yeah, I am ashamed to admit how many interviews of her I have read, so I have heard her theory that her Simple Life character is just that, a character, and that she really does work hard... blah blah blah, poor little rich girl. But at this point, I'm not buying it, and neither should you. I mean, would YOU hire Paris to work for you? No, you would hire someone competent who wouldn't have a melt down when you asked her to bring you a file and coffee and oh! By-the-way did you do that report I asked you for yesterday?
She doesn't get that while she leads a wildly privileged life, it also has its own price. MadDog used to say to me, "To whom much is given, from her much is expected." I think this is really good advice for Paris, too. You, her FATHER, are the only one to get this lesson into her brain- and you had better hurry up because she's not getting younger.
The excuse that her publicist told her wrong? Absolutely pathetic. THIS is her LIFE- you listen to the (extremely expensive) lawyers and DO WHAT THEY SAY. You SIGN UP for the stupid class and get it done. You take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. No, Paris was hoping that if she did nothing it would all slide away- because that's what has worked for her in the past. YOU, her father, are directly responsible for this (mis)perception on her part- because you have let her get away with things in the past. I'm sure like many parents you would get angry, ground her or assign a punishment, and then if she was quiet you'd forget all about it in a few days. You probably didn't stop Kathy from calling up the school when Paris complained about a teacher. I wonder how many assignments you got her As on. Do you know what it teaches a child when a parent helps persuade the teacher to bend the rules, except when there is a very very compelling reason? That rules are bendable. While this is true under many circumstances, if you had got some sense into her- she would understand where the line of demarcation was. For example, in the legal system- As Irving Welsh said, "Same rules apply."
I remember in High School I had AP senior English, and we had to write a term paper. We had to make note cards, an outline and so forth- there were maybe 6 or 7 steps we had to complete. It was so absurd. The teacher made us do each of the steps- make the note card, put the cite on the card and then put the corresponding part of your outline numbering on the card..... My best friend didn't make note cards and she did end notes instead of foot notes. The teacher gave us a sheet of paper telling us that a letter grade would be taken from the paper for each step we failed to follow exactly. She told us she was preparing us for college. When the day came to hand in our papers (Mine, I believe, was about Northern Ireland; I made an A-, for spelling of course!) My friend was so far off from what we had been told to do that even though her mother let her stay home that morning and work on her paper she made a D. My friend was livid at the teacher- but her mother was livid at HER. Her mother, who had just put herself though college, tore her up one side and down the other. As well she should. And my friend learned her lesson- and while she may have lapsed once or twice in College she suddenly "got" that there are often in life arbitrary, stupid and/or unfair rules- but you follow them anyway under most circumstances. She also learned that failing to follow them resulted in consequences. Mmmmm, Consequences.
I know its hard to deal with the fact that if you had had this talk a few years ago (Maybe when the sex tape got out?) your baby girl might not have had to spend 40 days in the hoosegow, but you've got to tell her this is a tough lesson but it will make her a better person, and no you can't get her out of it, she'll have to take it on the chin like a woman. And for the rest of you parents out there- get your chillrens back in line and don't make the Judge act In Loco Parentas.
Have a great day,
Philosophicalawyer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)