Aesops Fables for Lawyers: The Crafty Old Politician

             Once upon a time there was a crafty old politician. Unfortunately, he decided not to change the letter behind his name from D to R so the sheeple voted for someone with an R behind his name and he had to go back to work being a lawyer.

               One day a nice looking woman came to his office with a tale of woe. He let her hire him for a very low flat fee because it sounded like a very easy case. Once he accepted her money, and looked at what the other lawyers in the case were filing, he realized that it was not going to be an easy case. He tried to talk to his client but she didn't want to listen to him at all and she said none of it was true. Unfortunately he was also kind of lazy, and he still had lots of political connections and big time deals, so he didn't have time to do lots of research. He just relied on his experience to throw out some pleadings and he showed up for hearings. His pleadings weren't very well written and had lots of mistakes.

                 Well, the day of the big hearing came. All of the other lawyers had given copies of all their information to the other lawyers just like the Judge asked them to do. But the crafty old politician hadn't read much on the information he had been given because he had too much else to do and after all, she hadn't paid him very much. Now, normally lawyers kind of bend the rules when there are lots of exhibits to save time so the Judge can get to the real issue and they just allow in all the exhibits except the ones they really have a problem with. But the crafty old politician knew his client was impressed when he made objections and he wanted to impress her so he made lots of objections.

              First, he tried to make the nurse who said she didn't write a letter for the mother look like a liar and the Judge had to tell him twice to speak to her more politely. Unfortunately it was pretty clear she hadn't written the letter so it just made it very obvious that the mother had written the letter and forged the nurse's
name. 
             The crafty old politician didn't stop, he threw his hands around and objected to every question he possibly could to try to throw the witnesses and the two fathers off when they were trying to tell their stories. When it was finally his turn to ask questions he would end his questions with the phrase like, "Didn't you?" or "Weren't you?" delivered in a very accusing voice like he was on TV.

             Now, one of the issues in the case was whether one of the fathers had been close to his son. The other lawyer had shown the crafty old politician all the pictures she had of the man and his son. She asked to admit the pictures into evidence all in one big lump, but he objected. Well, because he objected, the other lawyer had to authenticate each and every one of those pictures. So she did. There were 130 pictures, but she asked her client the right questions and authenticated each and every one of those pictures. It took over three hours. The judge was very, very annoyed with the crafty old politician.

                 In this case the real issue was that two men thought they were the daddy of the little boy, and they both said that the mom had told them both they were the dad and that for over ten years they both gave her money to take care of him. So, next the lawyer had to authenticate all the checks her client had written the mom, month after month for almost 10 years. The checks took another hour. Now, the Judge was even more annoyed. He glared at the crafty old politician who didn't seem to notice. 

               The crafty old politician tried to make a big deal out of the woman's name on the checks being different sometimes, but all that brought out was that his client had been married to four different men over the last ten years and had decided to spell her first name different ways at different times. After all the pictures and all the checks were finally entered, it was time for the other lawyer for the other dad to ask that dad questions, but the crafty old politician still hadn't learned his lesson so he made her authenticate all the emails from her client to the mom.

                  Thus, the other lawyer for the other dad was having him read lots of emails from the woman out loud to the Judge. In one email, the mom was saying ugly things to the other dad about the child not having a birthday because he sent her money a week late that month. The Judge stopped the hearing and shuffled through all the pictures the first father had given to him and found a picture of the little boy's birthday that the first father had given him for that year. Then he looked at the payments that had been entered and saw that both dads had given her money the month before and had bought extra things for the child's birthday. The judge was very angry with the woman already and this just gave him one more thing to be angry about.

                 All that happened with all that information was that it became really, really clear that the two dads were telling the truth and that she had taken money from both of them and that each dad loved "his" son very, very much.


                  In the end, the woman lost custody of her son and criminal charges were filed against her. She sued the crafty old politician for being a bad lawyer and he had to spend a lot of time and energy trying to prove he did a good enough job on her case which was hard because he was lazy and hadn't really done a good job.

Morals for Lawyers: 1. If a case sounds really easy, it probably isn't so be careful. 2. Don't be lazy; do your homework, and give your client good advice. 3. If your client won't listen to good advice, write a letter with the good advice, and if they *still* won't listen maybe you shouldn't be their lawyer. 4. Most of the time, the Judge is the person you need to impress NOT your client; you'll see the judge again a lot more times than your client. 5. Don't make bad information worse by trying to keep it out when you know it is going to come in, and don't let it be made more obvious than it needs to be by insisting on the rules. 6. Don't make objections unnecessarily; save them for when they matter. 7. You should almost never end a question with "didn't you?" or "Weren't you?"

Morals for clients: 1. You don't want a "show off" for a lawyer. 2. Be honest with your lawyer. 3. Just because a lawyer has a reputation for being important doesn't mean he/she will do a good job for you.

Aesops Fables for Lawyers: The Foolish Young Lawyer

                    Once there was a foolish young lawyer. He hadn't been practicing law very long but he knew all the rules. Whenever another lawyer filed a pleading against one of his clients he would file lots and lots of responses if he saw any rules weren't being followed perfectly. He never called the other lawyer and asked him if he made a mistake or if they could agree to resolve the issue. The foolish young lawyer thought it made the other lawyers see how smart he was and he could show his clients all those pleadings to explain why he deserved to be paid so much.

                   One day, a wise older lawyer filed a case against one of the foolish young lawyer's clients. Now the foolish young lawyer knew that his client had done the wrong thing and stayed in a house too long and had not paid his rent. However, the wise older lawyer who filed the case asked for more money than the Judge in the Court he filed it in was allowed to award. So the foolish young lawyer filed lots and lots of pleadings that showed that the lawsuit should not be in front of that judge because that judge couldn't award that much money.

                     When the wise older lawyer got the pleadings, he realized that the way he wrote the suit it did look like he wanted more money than the current court was allowed to award. If the foolish young lawyer had called him he would have explained he only wanted the smaller amount of money, but since the foolish young lawyer hadn't called him he called his client and explained he had made a mistake and suggested what he thought they should do. The wise older lawyer's client agreed, so the wise older lawyer filed a piece of paper with the Court that said he agreed with what the foolish young lawyer said and the lawsuit should be moved to a judge who could award more money.

                      And when the case came to Court the judge did award the wise older lawyer and his client more money than they intended to ask for. After the case was over, the wise older lawyer took the foolish young lawyer aside and told him that if he had just called him he would have corrected his mistake and have not asked for more money. The foolish young lawyer was defensive and angry and didn't tell his client what had happened, but the wise older lawyer's client told the foolish young lawyer's client who was very angry with him and told all his friends what a foolish young lawyer he was. The wise older lawyer also told all the other lawyers who all laughed at the foolish young lawyer.  

Morals: 1. Be careful what you ask for; you might get it. 2. When you've done something wrong, try to resolve things without going to court. 3. Always talk to your clients and admit when you've screwed up. 4. When someone makes a mistake, give them a chance to fix it. 5. Sometimes loosing small is winning big.

                   

Back in the Saddle Again.....

I miss the anonymity of my Blog, so I'm going to return to writing on it a little. This new iteration may be a bit different, as its been years since I've written. (Holy crap.... eight years since I've written!)

In many ways my life is exactly the same... still dealing with crazy behavior in the trenches of private law practice.

In many ways my life is different... I now make a lot more money to care about your problems. I have a new hobby/obsession, which all that money goes to support. I have a new significant other. (Well, after almost 4 years, he's not actually new any more but he's significant, and he's my other.)  A new drive in my life.

I've been a lawyer for over 16 years now. I still love what I do. I am very good at what I do. Running a law office still isn't easy, but its easier, and I would never consider working for someone else. I have now trained 6 secretaries. I'm getting better at that. I shepherded an intern through college, law school, and the bar (both the building and the test) to her first real job. Each assistant who has left me stays in touch and is happy with their new jobs. (2 SHMs, 1 licensed cosmetologist, 1 government budget analyst, 1 banker... and my current one who is on maternity leave.) Lots of interns, some for a few days, some on and off for years, have passed through my doors.

I read things people post on FaceBook and I want to reply to them, but due to my professional life I can't say what I'm really thinking. Here, I can. And I think I will.

So here's to 2016. Bring it on bitch.

Am I jaded or just wise to your manipulations?

A few weeks ago there was a "news story" about a deputy who dumped a paralized man out on the floor of the booking area. When I saw that I felt really really bad for the Deputy- not because what she did was accpetable. It was awful! But I understood where she was comming from. When you deal with petty criminals all.day.long you become jaded. You hear so many lies and manipulations that you stop believing anything anyone says. When I saw that video I reminded myself that I have to watch and make sure I don't let it get to me like that.

But at the same time- you have to be smart. I like to make jokes- "I'm like Missouri. You have to show me!" or "You know State Agencies, Trust but Verify."

So in Court the document below was submitted by a Defendant. Do you think it is real?

The Jim Breuer Defense

The spell check isn't working and I am aware my spelling is not... good. : )

I love Jim Breuer. He always plays stoners in movies, and funny ones at that. I always kind of figured it was half acting combined with some ...method enhancers. Then I saw one of his comedy preformances and he spoke about looking like a stoner his whole life. The circles under his saggy eyes, the squint, the grin... he just looked like a stoner. This makes him a lot of money now, but was quite a problem back in the day, because of course, people always thought he was stoned even when he was dead sober.

So, my client--- this is what I'm going to call my defense of him, the Jim Breuer Defense. In other words, he received his controled substances DUI because he just sounds like he's on something ALL.the.time. Its just how he is.

What really kept ticking me off was that he has watched tooooooo much Law&Order. At one point he actually said, "Well, if you're not capable of making the arguments I think you need to make you can just sit there and I'll do the arguing."

This was in response to my attempt to explain the Prosecutor's burden of proof in Countroled substance DUIs and that Controled Substance DUIs can be "Any substance that has impaired the driver's ability to operate a motor vehicle safely." (That's a paraphrase but I read him the actual law verbatim)

He wants his defense to be: 1. You can't write a DUI for Controled substances because controled substances aren't alcohol. (? no, really.) 2. They can't prove he was on something. (Which is why I was trying to explain about the burden of proof and that they didn't have to prove what he was on, but that he had failed the motor function tests and the cop's testimony concerning his (and I haven't see it but, I know how they read...) Red glassy eyes, slurred speach, and difficulty following dirctions.)

He had difficulty with the concept that once the cop had given his testimony, the burden would then be his to prove what the cop said was NOT true. A hair test showing no narcotics or other drugs would be a great place to start. I even explained why the police did not give him such a test (a third part of his defense) due to false positives and other dificulties like drugs being in your system even when they were not presently intoxicating.

When he said, "I'm a grown man, I ain't gotta prove nothin' to them, they got to prove it on me so I ain't going to take that hair test you're telling me to do cause it ain't my job." I told him that "grown men" don't have to tell people they're grown men, and that it was my job to advise him on how best to defend himself. Then, I told him I was through telling him what I thought he should do and that I was going to write him a letter about what I said to protect myself when he got mad at me because he lost his case.

I spent waaaay to much time trying to explain "trial 101" to him,


Blonde Justice has a great post... visit from the side blog : )

Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, and being nice to people.

One of MadDog's friends mailed him a King Cake from The Guy in New Orleans who makes them. Soooo amazing.

I always try to give up something small that I do that I should improve upon for Lent. The wonderful thing is that in 40 days you can really break a bad habit.
One year I gave up caffeine. (Lasted 45 days....) One year I gave up speaking ill of anyone for any reason. (I still try with that one...) I think this year its going to have to be bad words- not just swear words, because I'm pretty PG in public, but trying to curb and retrain that urge to use small, unilluminating words (heck, effing heck... really the same thing as saying the word...) when I need to be articulating my thoughts, because the act of articulating the thought helps you know what is frustrating you which may help you solve your problem....
Which I realized yesterday when I was pretty rude to a worker at Home Depot. See, another person and I walked up to 2 HD workers at the same time. One employee turns to the other person so I turn to the other employee. I told him I was pretty frustrated because the tool boxes were two isles over from where the sign said they would be and the amazing selection of the two that were there (Not two types mind you... two tool boxes) did not have their prices marked and what flippin' good does it do to put out merchandise and not mark the prices?. And the sticker on the back of the boxes said they had been there since December 5 which should have given them plenty of time to put a dang price on it.

This particular worker looked like any other person working at HD. In fact, I thought he was probably a manager when I first saw him... which I figured was why he was acting like he didn't have time for me because he thought he was too far up the ranks to have to deal with some crazy angry person who wanted tool boxes, compact fl. flood lights that are small and will fit into a recessed lighting fixture, Ohhh and 4" eyebolts that are really thick and strong and Can you use one of those thingies you put on the back so when you put it through the drywall the thingie pops out on the other side and tightens as you screw it in and keeps it from puling out? I want one of those, but can I use it in a roof? We don't have attic space but we should use one of those, Right? Which is about the time we arrived at another associate and he just turned and walked off and I was about to have a come undone on him, so I turned to the other associate and said, "What's *his* problem? He couldn't answer any of my questions and he didn't seem to care."

And she said, "He's one of the mentally challenged people we employee."
Turns out he usually just brings in the carts.

Which is reason 514 why we should be nice to everyone.

Name of the week....

Ok, Dansha didn't make it. Kelvin gets props for being obscure... Joyal is Loyal. Dequarius (aquarius?) for his 60's vibe.... I felt for Mr. Pink Smith, Jr. (really... I changed the last name but yes, his name is Pink and he's not the first.)

Tynisha, weird, but nope, not weird enough even with her pronounciation which she loudly announced to the Judge after he called it out wrong. "I'm here but its Tye-n'eye-sha. Which she followed by a head weave and a raised, "I'm expecting an appology for butchering my name" eyebrow at the Judge. He appologized as he always does.

You'll never guess...

But first, you have to know Southerners call mosquitoes skeeters. I'm gonna bet Midwesterners call them that too.

Name of the week! Sekeeta. I just kept thinking about slappin' skeeters in the summer, combined with secretions. Skeeter secretions. I guess that's probably not what her momma was thinking when she named her, but still, its what I think when I read it.

I love southern names. And seriously, people will act like you have lost your ever loving mind if you have trouble spelling their names. Nah, its S-e-k-ee-t-a. Gah, (eyeroll) how hard is that?

Darlin', you have just got to get your act together....

In Court the other day, a woman pleaded guilty to the following incident:

She went to the police station and filed a report. In her report she stated that a woman got into her car and forced her to leave the convenience store where she had bought smokes. She was ordered to drive to a school parking lot where the woman whapped her upside the head with some kind of night stick which caused her to pass out for several hours. When she came to, she drove directly to the police station.

This naturally caused an investigator to come and speak with her immediately and durring the course of his conversation with her (before she has even left the police station mind you!) she admits that the real story is that she went over to her boyfriend's house. His girlfriend came home and beat the snot out of her and she had to have something to explain to her husband of 4 days what had hapened to her her face.

WTF?

Life lesson #5,374: If you're going to lie to the police, which is a bad idea, stick to your story.

Life lesson #5,375: If you've married a guy, dump your boyfriend BEFORE you say, "I do." Especially if he already has a new Girlfriend.

Reminds me of a little poem I read once: I don't know much, but I know this is true, 'tis better to be off with the old love before being on with the new.

Priceless gems of wisdom....

An elder statesman of the law said to me yesterday, "He's the kind of guy who, every time he comes up to talk to me, I suddenly remember I have an appointment."

Of course, right before that I was subjected to an extremely difficult racist conversation that made me cringe and, since I hadn't heard the appointment thing yet, I was trying like crazy to get out of there, but didn't know what to do. Only people over 70 can get away with calling someone "Uncle Buck." To their face. Without them getting angry.

Maybe he's like me and figures anyone who would think less of him because of the color of his skin (or in my case my gender), it will be that much easier to gut them in Court.

Remember our Veterans this weekend. Had they not been willing to die for you, you wouldn't be where you are.

Bad Ass. D.A., Bad!

Ok, so this story has made the news:

http://www.timesdaily.com/article/20071101/NEWS/711010344/1011

A former District attorney (I assumed he was an assistant D.A. until I read further, but I like the Bad and Ass together in the title so I'm leaving it!) is accused of fondling these guys while giving them drug screenings...


And I might not believe it except that the District Attorney doesn't give drug screenings.

His minions/Court Referral people/ Probation officers etc.... do that.

The District Attorney doesn't dirty his/her hands with personally administering Drug Tests. This, to me as an attorney, is like someone saying that the President drove himself to the Quik-E-Mart for some ice cream. You Know? On its face, with no facts, you raise an eyebrow and figure either someone who doesn't really understand "the system" made it up, or something really, really weird is going on.

People make up stuff all the time. Once I had a guy I was prosecuting try to tell me some garbage about the Judge's brother and yada yada. I just shrugged and told him I didn't care, it was not relevant to his compliance with my demands. He insisted it was some kind of mitigating factor that "the Judge's brother got drug counseling and if he didn't get it that wasn't fair and the Judge would have to give him counseling too." (I kept reiterating that fair wasn't the issue here, legal was, and this was about support, not drugs.... but hey, can't argue with a brick wall!) At any rate, his face was priceless when he opened his mouth and began his plea only to be interrupted by the Judge after a sentence or two. "Let me stop you here," the Judge said, "I don't have a brother."

Poor guy, some jailhouse lawyer had told him that; may have believed it himself.


At any rate, the fact that amused me most about this D.A. (and it may not be in the article to which I linked) is: he (Allegedly) put on rubber gloves to fondle the guys. I'm not sure what that reveals about his psyche, but I'm sure its important.

Criminal charges... and the criminals who committ them

So in court yesterday there was a guy with no lawyer. He was charged with poss. of pot and poss. of paraphanelia. He sits down with the prosecutor and accepts the offer. In this situation the lawyers are all sitting about 3 feet from the guy as he makes this agreement, because the prosecutor takes some unrepresented people before he'll talk to the lawyers. So, we're just quietly going over our notes and the police statements and such... but we all look up and start to pay attention when we hear the prosecutor's voice raised, "What do you mean you want your pipe back? Are you kidding me? You can't have that back its ILLEGAL!"

Dude asked for his pipe back. And he kept taking about how it was art and beautiful....and part of his glass collection.

Bwwaaahhhh.

So I was sitting with the probation officer (He apparently kept up his irritation of not getting the pipe returned to him when he went to see the probation officer) and the desk Sergeant and laughing about this moron, and someone suggested it would be funny to get his pipe from the evidence room and take a video of it being smashed to pieces with a hammer and put it on you tube and send him the link. I suggested mailing it as a million pieces to him, with the video.

I just couldn't believe someone who was clearly in his 30s would be THAT ignorant.

I WANT to Want to Vote! I LONG to WANT to vote for you!

When I was a child I remember Mad Dog and Mommy Dearest taking me with them to vote. They always knew the registrars and made it seem like such a wonderful privilege that we were Allowed to have input into this decision. Golf pencils, striped curtains in little metal booths- It was almost mystical.

Then I registered to vote. Sigh. Promptly at 18. Seriously- my mother would pick up absentee ballots and mail them to me at school. I have rarely, if ever, missed a chance to vote. I voted! stickers line the visor of my car.

Mad Dog and I have had some very nice conversations about "The Devil you know is safer than the Devil you don't know." Check. and "A divided congress produces less legislation which is a good thing." Check.

Now, you know I don't much like to talk about my actual political leanings....I would truly call myself an independent. In local elections, where I can usually meet people or at least meet people who work for the people for whom I'm voting, there appears to be no rime or reason to my voting. I try to vote for the best person for the office. I personally don't think local elections should be based on Party affiliation- because who cares if your local Revenue Commissioner is pro choice or pro gun rights? I want to know- Is s/he honest? Can s/he do the job and inspire others to do their job for her/him? But then again, When I'm Philosopher King....

In fact, I'm pretty happy with my local choices. (Heh. If I told you those stories you might be able to figure out who I am!) What I want to talk about is the fact that I'm tired of voting for the third party candidate in Presidential elections, which I only do because I hate both choices and I know if the major third party candidate gets votes its easier for his party to get on the ballot next time so its my little way of contributing to the system.

But I'm tired of it. I want to WANT to vote for someone. I want to read a candidate's stats and go, Ohhhh I want this person to lead my country.

I listened to (twenty minutes of) the Republican Debates last night (before I felt really, really stabby and took a mental health break to watch... well, honestly, I flipped through the channels until it was over). I've listened to some of the Democrat's debates, too. And I'm... Just.... Ehhh. First, if you have not, read MSNBC's commentary by Economists on yesterday's debates- it was absolutely superb. I would vote for any one of those guys purely on their economic knowledge and I have no idea what their stance is on anything else- but if the economy is running well, I can pretty much live with anything.... I spent 10 minutes looking for the comments, but I can't find them today. MSNBC had three economists commenting on the candidate's answers. It was soooo insightful.

First of all, Economists are like Philosophers in that they just know the world would be a better place if people actually were educated to a basic level in their field. I gotta say, after reading their commentary, I have to agree with them. We need to have a better understanding of basic economic principles so that we can understand these numbers candidates are pulling out of their behinds and throwing around for all to use- Like ___ percent of the nation's spending is spent on ___. I'm already generally suspicious of Percentages.... knowing as I do that while statistics seldom lie, statisticians often do- and politicians using statisticians for their own purpose.... that's downright scary. Or understanding Huckaby's "Fair Tax" plan (Which I generally favor in theory- think about how much revenue it would generate from non-legal residents alone....)

Anywho, I thought Romney's Law and Order joke was awesome. I liked Huckaby. I enjoy people who think outside the box on taxes. I thought Fred needed to get a little more... animated. I have enormous respect for McCain because- frankly, P.O.W.- so if I were trapped on a desert island with a candidate- I'm picking McCain, but "I wish interest rates were zero?" Are you really that ignorant? (That plus the whole he's no longer Episcopalian but is now an evangelical ? = totally disgusted.) I guess I should include some Democrats in this tirade: Barac... like you. LOVEEE your wife. You should have served another term. I just don't think you have enough wisdom under your belt. Hillary... you know, I never liked you much until I read the Atlantic Monthly article- which was outstanding. I'm afraid you and Guillani have the same problem- some people like you, but a fair number of people absolutely HATE you.

Here's what I want: I want the candidates (all of them- Democrats, Independents and Republicans alike) to take the Advanced Placement High School Economics exam and provide their scores. I would also like the results to the AP Government exam. Oh, and the citizenship test. Yep, I could feel really good about a candidate if s/he could do well on those three tests.

Because Social Security would have been a great program if you stupid politicians kept your fingers out of the pie and left our money there earning interest like it was supposed to. Because understanding the State's domain and Federal Gov't domain is a big one for me. Because I know that due to the enormous complexity of our Fed gov't bad people hide waste and corruption. Because a 1,000 page law IS a bad law no matter what it says- with that length comes Pork, corruption, loopholes and graft.

I want an honorable person to be elected...I WANT to Want YOU to be my President.

Last Week....

Last week I:

1. Remembered that removing a hot glass from the dishwasher and filling it with cold liquid and ice will make it crack- and fall sharp side down onto your arm nearly (But not quite) severing your artery. Which lead me to:
2. Learned Duct tape with a little gauze and neosporin will hold the edges of a cut together well when properly applied. Who needs stitches?!
3. Was called to be an expert witness as to the potential income of Strippers.
4. Noticed that strippers have a certain way of standing that is a dead giveaway. Clue: do NOT put one foot in front of the other, lean onto the Bench and arch your ass in the air, because no matter how nice the outfit you're wearing is, you still look like a stripper.
5. Learned that if you drink most of a gallon of really cheap vodka with your best friend and ram your car into the back of a moving train in an effort to "make it Effing speed up!" the police will charge you with all the crimes they can think of, while crafting what you say to them into a very very amusing report, and that the train company will also present you with a bill for the damage you did to their train.... which the prosecutor will present to your attorney... while laughing hysterically. (I believe his exact words were, "Ahh, here's the bill for the damage your client did to the enormous diesel train when she rammed it with her Durango.") You will then go into the back room and laugh hysterically before getting control of yourself to go speak to your client because, really, you HAVE TO LAUGH SOMETIMES.

Which brings me to my last thought.... I was walking out of Court after a long hard day in the small courtroom where we fall over each other and handled 45 cases between 3 prosecutors and a man who had been waiting for hours with his family to get some time with the Judge in an unrelated matter stopped and asked me if we did this every day.

Well, no, I replied. About 4 times a month.

Whew, he said, shaking his head, I don't know how you stand it. All those people, and the tragedy, and the stress and the back and forth.

Well, you just do, I said, and I find things to laugh about, but, I gotta tell you, when I get home tonight, I'll be so tired I can't speak.

Have I told you this one before?

I know, I know. No new posts lately. Too busy saving the world.

Funny thing someone told me once:

"He needed killing" isn't that hard a defense to make. There's plenty of people out there most good people can agree "needed killing." The problem comes in when you have to prove that you were the one who should have done it, when you did it and the way you did it.

I like that.

Hard Work

The woman in my office today. She got married at 16 and lived with her husband as a sharecropper, working the cotton fields. She was pregnant, working the fields in the summer and lost her baby. She said she knew when she lost the baby because she was riding on the wagon to the gin, bouncing up and down and she felt it. She lost 4 babies that way.

She also chopped wood and carried coal for the family that owned the land. She made her daughter's clothes in school, including her drill team outfit. She writes in a very old fashioned hand.

She knows hard work.

She doesn't own a TV. She tithes fully. She's had cancer for 14 years but takes her medication.
Her car is paid for.

She pays her bills rather than eat.

That's character.

Probation Violation

I am really, really tired of people saying that Paris Hilton is being treated more harshly by this Judge than if she were a "normal" citizen. First of all, it someone in one of my Courtrooms told a Judge "its not fair" ---all of my Judges would give that person a very long lecture, possibly followed by a contempt finding if that person continued to whine.

In my jurisdiction, if you fail to schedule your alcohol treatment classes within 7 days of going to Court, you'll get violated. If you fail to attend them- you'll get violated. If you're arrested for DWS (driving while suspended) it COULD violate your probation... and the second time you were DWS, unless you had a great reason, would most probably violate you, and finally, if the Judge assigned you to do community service and you didn't go- you would most definitely get violated.

In fact, I have a client who had a BAC 1/100 less than the legal limit and the prosecutor agreed to drop the case (there was also an allegation of illegal drug use) if my client would attend DUI class. My client failed to attend and I can't find him, so the Judge violated him (he remained On Bond until the dismissal) , AND reinstated the case. When he's arrested- he'll be denied bond due to his bond violation and by the time the Judge gets around to hearing his case he will have probably served 30 or so days.

I think the Judge did a good job in this case and if Hilton had beans for brains she wouldn't have acted like a spoiled brat...(or, to me, suspiciously similarly to a person going through withdrawals.)

Of course, I also understand the Sheriff's position. She takes up a lot of man hours. Its a funny relationship- the Judge orders someone to Jail, but the sheriff is in charge of how/where the sentence is served, good time ect....usually. The whole Contempt thing was an interesting power struggle... and one I've seen before. Usually, however, what happens is that the Sheriff comes to the Judge and explains why he wants something different in a case (The guy has 10 communicable diseases and an abcessed tooth and we can't afford to keep in in jail your honor....) and the Judge either explains why that won't do or goes along with it. Its all a delicate process.

I put the Stud in Study...

So I was shopping for this T-Shirt we saw on TV for my BIL, since he started Law School yesterday and today is his birthday...

I PUT THE STUD IN STUDY

When it occurred to me that there was another very funny t-shirt in there....

I PUT THE STD IN STUD.

Hahahahahaa.

So, then I went to buy it and found this one:

THE POLICE NEVER THINK ITS AS FUNNY AS YOU DO

Do you dare me to wear it to Court? Yeah, I don't think that would inspire confidence in your defense attorney... maybe on a Friday afternoon when I'm just copying files : )

Have a good weekend.

On this Memorial day weekend, remember that freedom isn't free and whether or not you think we should be in this war, our brave women and men in the armed forced are dying for us and we should appreciate them, and those generations who came before and died so we could be free.

Gunshots....

So I heard gunshots at the Courthouse today and ran outside to look.... and as I put my hand on the door it occurred to me...

DON'T GO LOOK OUTSIDE WHEN YOU HEAR GUNSHOTS, LOCK THE DOOR AND HIDE IN THE BACK ROOM YOU FOOL!

But I opened the door anyway and looked and it was just a ceremony.

A letter to Paris Hilton's father... (and any other fathers of wealthy popular young people who happen to stumble across this page.)

Dear Mr. Hilton,


You seem like a sensible man. I'm sure you have your eccentricities; at your level of wealth, you would be abnormal if you didn't, but you need to have a Come to Jesus talk with Paris. Please. Now. Before she ends up a 30 year old washed-up has been.

Paris doesn't get it. Yeah, yeah, I am ashamed to admit how many interviews of her I have read, so I have heard her theory that her Simple Life character is just that, a character, and that she really does work hard... blah blah blah, poor little rich girl. But at this point, I'm not buying it, and neither should you. I mean, would YOU hire Paris to work for you? No, you would hire someone competent who wouldn't have a melt down when you asked her to bring you a file and coffee and oh! By-the-way did you do that report I asked you for yesterday?

She doesn't get that while she leads a wildly privileged life, it also has its own price. MadDog used to say to me, "To whom much is given, from her much is expected." I think this is really good advice for Paris, too. You, her FATHER, are the only one to get this lesson into her brain- and you had better hurry up because she's not getting younger.

The excuse that her publicist told her wrong? Absolutely pathetic. THIS is her LIFE- you listen to the (extremely expensive) lawyers and DO WHAT THEY SAY. You SIGN UP for the stupid class and get it done. You take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. No, Paris was hoping that if she did nothing it would all slide away- because that's what has worked for her in the past. YOU, her father, are directly responsible for this (mis)perception on her part- because you have let her get away with things in the past. I'm sure like many parents you would get angry, ground her or assign a punishment, and then if she was quiet you'd forget all about it in a few days. You probably didn't stop Kathy from calling up the school when Paris complained about a teacher. I wonder how many assignments you got her As on. Do you know what it teaches a child when a parent helps persuade the teacher to bend the rules, except when there is a very very compelling reason? That rules are bendable. While this is true under many circumstances, if you had got some sense into her- she would understand where the line of demarcation was. For example, in the legal system- As Irving Welsh said, "Same rules apply."

I remember in High School I had AP senior English, and we had to write a term paper. We had to make note cards, an outline and so forth- there were maybe 6 or 7 steps we had to complete. It was so absurd. The teacher made us do each of the steps- make the note card, put the cite on the card and then put the corresponding part of your outline numbering on the card..... My best friend didn't make note cards and she did end notes instead of foot notes. The teacher gave us a sheet of paper telling us that a letter grade would be taken from the paper for each step we failed to follow exactly. She told us she was preparing us for college. When the day came to hand in our papers (Mine, I believe, was about Northern Ireland; I made an A-, for spelling of course!) My friend was so far off from what we had been told to do that even though her mother let her stay home that morning and work on her paper she made a D. My friend was livid at the teacher- but her mother was livid at HER. Her mother, who had just put herself though college, tore her up one side and down the other. As well she should. And my friend learned her lesson- and while she may have lapsed once or twice in College she suddenly "got" that there are often in life arbitrary, stupid and/or unfair rules- but you follow them anyway under most circumstances. She also learned that failing to follow them resulted in consequences. Mmmmm, Consequences.

I know its hard to deal with the fact that if you had had this talk a few years ago (Maybe when the sex tape got out?) your baby girl might not have had to spend 40 days in the hoosegow, but you've got to tell her this is a tough lesson but it will make her a better person, and no you can't get her out of it, she'll have to take it on the chin like a woman. And for the rest of you parents out there- get your chillrens back in line and don't make the Judge act In Loco Parentas.

Have a great day,

Philosophicalawyer

No more posts for a while....

I'm bored with my blog, I have too much to do in my real life, and all of my clients are (acting) normal.

I'm taking a month off. See you in June (my 10 dear, dear readers).... meanwhile, post a comment here if you have a topic about which you'd like to hear more and I'll check in and post if I get inspired.