The Jim Breuer Defense

The spell check isn't working and I am aware my spelling is not... good. : )

I love Jim Breuer. He always plays stoners in movies, and funny ones at that. I always kind of figured it was half acting combined with some ...method enhancers. Then I saw one of his comedy preformances and he spoke about looking like a stoner his whole life. The circles under his saggy eyes, the squint, the grin... he just looked like a stoner. This makes him a lot of money now, but was quite a problem back in the day, because of course, people always thought he was stoned even when he was dead sober.

So, my client--- this is what I'm going to call my defense of him, the Jim Breuer Defense. In other words, he received his controled substances DUI because he just sounds like he's on something ALL.the.time. Its just how he is.

What really kept ticking me off was that he has watched tooooooo much Law&Order. At one point he actually said, "Well, if you're not capable of making the arguments I think you need to make you can just sit there and I'll do the arguing."

This was in response to my attempt to explain the Prosecutor's burden of proof in Countroled substance DUIs and that Controled Substance DUIs can be "Any substance that has impaired the driver's ability to operate a motor vehicle safely." (That's a paraphrase but I read him the actual law verbatim)

He wants his defense to be: 1. You can't write a DUI for Controled substances because controled substances aren't alcohol. (? no, really.) 2. They can't prove he was on something. (Which is why I was trying to explain about the burden of proof and that they didn't have to prove what he was on, but that he had failed the motor function tests and the cop's testimony concerning his (and I haven't see it but, I know how they read...) Red glassy eyes, slurred speach, and difficulty following dirctions.)

He had difficulty with the concept that once the cop had given his testimony, the burden would then be his to prove what the cop said was NOT true. A hair test showing no narcotics or other drugs would be a great place to start. I even explained why the police did not give him such a test (a third part of his defense) due to false positives and other dificulties like drugs being in your system even when they were not presently intoxicating.

When he said, "I'm a grown man, I ain't gotta prove nothin' to them, they got to prove it on me so I ain't going to take that hair test you're telling me to do cause it ain't my job." I told him that "grown men" don't have to tell people they're grown men, and that it was my job to advise him on how best to defend himself. Then, I told him I was through telling him what I thought he should do and that I was going to write him a letter about what I said to protect myself when he got mad at me because he lost his case.

I spent waaaay to much time trying to explain "trial 101" to him,


Blonde Justice has a great post... visit from the side blog : )

Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, and being nice to people.

One of MadDog's friends mailed him a King Cake from The Guy in New Orleans who makes them. Soooo amazing.

I always try to give up something small that I do that I should improve upon for Lent. The wonderful thing is that in 40 days you can really break a bad habit.
One year I gave up caffeine. (Lasted 45 days....) One year I gave up speaking ill of anyone for any reason. (I still try with that one...) I think this year its going to have to be bad words- not just swear words, because I'm pretty PG in public, but trying to curb and retrain that urge to use small, unilluminating words (heck, effing heck... really the same thing as saying the word...) when I need to be articulating my thoughts, because the act of articulating the thought helps you know what is frustrating you which may help you solve your problem....
Which I realized yesterday when I was pretty rude to a worker at Home Depot. See, another person and I walked up to 2 HD workers at the same time. One employee turns to the other person so I turn to the other employee. I told him I was pretty frustrated because the tool boxes were two isles over from where the sign said they would be and the amazing selection of the two that were there (Not two types mind you... two tool boxes) did not have their prices marked and what flippin' good does it do to put out merchandise and not mark the prices?. And the sticker on the back of the boxes said they had been there since December 5 which should have given them plenty of time to put a dang price on it.

This particular worker looked like any other person working at HD. In fact, I thought he was probably a manager when I first saw him... which I figured was why he was acting like he didn't have time for me because he thought he was too far up the ranks to have to deal with some crazy angry person who wanted tool boxes, compact fl. flood lights that are small and will fit into a recessed lighting fixture, Ohhh and 4" eyebolts that are really thick and strong and Can you use one of those thingies you put on the back so when you put it through the drywall the thingie pops out on the other side and tightens as you screw it in and keeps it from puling out? I want one of those, but can I use it in a roof? We don't have attic space but we should use one of those, Right? Which is about the time we arrived at another associate and he just turned and walked off and I was about to have a come undone on him, so I turned to the other associate and said, "What's *his* problem? He couldn't answer any of my questions and he didn't seem to care."

And she said, "He's one of the mentally challenged people we employee."
Turns out he usually just brings in the carts.

Which is reason 514 why we should be nice to everyone.